Eternally blessed

I know I've been rambling here and there about how my faith has been shaken for the last few months. I still believe the same, but I can't help but think that the Greater Power out there is really proving me wrong.

I was proud. In fact, maybe way too proud. In the back of my head, I was thinking that I can do everything on my own. Yes I could, but still, with everything I am experiencing now, I think I don't deserve all these. I want to say that luck is on my side but not acknowledging God would be so wrong.

So, generally, in my parents' criterion and probably my neighbors', I can be considered jobless. But I'm working now as a freelance writer. Yeah, I thought I would never become one as I really hated writing since my first day of DEVC120. Who knew I would earn my livelihood through words?

I remember how my Journ Prof would often say that, "Writing is basic." That is true, every job now requires some form of writing. In actuality, my writing style is very basic. I'm not fond of using big and flowery words. I just say things as they are and yet, with some twist of faith, someone out there thought my writing skills are exemplary. Odd, right? But it happened.

Today, I woke up to a very good news. Writing has opened new doors of opportunity for me. Never in my mind had I thought that this would happen to me. But as I said, perhaps it's not me. I have to give that Guy up there credit that is truly due to Him. :)

Hey!

I got a massive headache but I figured I haven't written anything for myself in such a long time so, voila, here I am updating my blog!

Actually, I've got nothing to say. Ahihihi. Good night! :)

Wireless

My parents really love listening to radio. Today, I overheard a host of a Christian program saying that when people feel discouraged, we shouldn't spend all our time on social networking sites because it doesn't help. Face-to-face communication is still the best.

Then it dawned on me, if we find it hard to believe in communicating wirelessly, how can we have faith in prayers? A prayer is just like a mobile phone or a laptop or any other gadgets. We can't see the connection, but we know our messages were sent.

There is no medium that's best or worst than the other. It's really up to the person to make it work.

I AM HALFWAY DONE.

I can't be any happier. :)

Food for the Sanguines

I haven't written anything in the longest time, I feel like I betrayed my non-existent readers! Hihihi. Jk.

Recently, I've been quite busy with finishing a project for this particular company. The experience was and still a blast! Most of my time are still being consumed with writing articles for them. Believe it or not, I'm finding it harder to write in Tagalog than in English. I even use Google Translate for Tagalog counterparts of some English terms. Insane, yes!

For this project, I also work as their lay out artist; which is cool because I think in terms of pictures and not in words. Well, I guess majority of the time. Two days ago, I handed some drafts for some cover designs I had in mind. Today, I receive a message from my boss that she is recommending me to another person who is also in need of someone to do cover designs for them. I was in a really bad mood today, but upon receiving that e-mail, I felt refreshed!  :)

So, yeah, I just want to deliver some happy news! I'm happy my good works are being recognized. It's like food for hungry sanguines like me. Hihihihi. :D

The truth is everyone's gonna hurt you.
You just have to choose which ones are worth the pain.

Of course she’s gonna say she’s happy for you 

and flash that famous smile 

but look into her eyes, baby you broke her.

I want to write. 

I just don't know what to write about. 

Justice for Given Grace

When I got back home yesterday, I was shocked when I heard the news about a UPLB student being murdered and raped a few days ago. I was terribly heartbroken that there are people out there who can do such things to a fragile soul. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about the things they did to her. I don't know her personally, but I know that she could have achieved and accomplished so much in life had not some evils forcefully took his life.

I can only imagine how her parents might feel right now. It's really painful that they sent their child to a different city just to get a good education and then she ended up being this way. I feel really shattered and scared that there might be a possibility that this cruelty might happen again to other people. I'm really hoping that it will not.

Even when I think that she's in a safer place right now, I can't help but think that she couldn't have died that way. She didn't deserve to die that way. No one does, actually. I really hate that I can't put into words the anguish, sadness, anger, and a couple more emotions I can't identify that I'm feeling right now. I haven't cried for justice as I did today.

I really do pray for justice on Given's case.

The best gift I had for my birthday is being home.

For four days, I had been traveling here and there--buses were my hotel rooms, language barrier sometimes got in the way, and strangers were my company. I had no road map, neither the convenience of google map; it's amazing I found my way home. For a homebody like me, I feel that being back home is a huge achievement.

I also feel like I've matured to a higher degree. Though when I talk to people about my job, they hardly believe me because they said I only look like a student. Believe it or not, I traveled on my own from Davao to Agusan del Sur to Cagayan de Oro to Misamis Occidental to Zamboanga del Norte in just a matter of four days. Yes, I can hardly believe it myself.

I feel blessed that God protected me all throughout this journey. I never experienced any hassles or problems or whatsoever. When I got there, a typhoon was entering the area. I was really afraid that I might not make it home today. But I did, and when I got home, I felt I've been missed. My parents prepared my favorite food as if I've been away from home for a year. My friends left me many messages asking me to go out for dinner as soon as possible. I feel all kinds of wonderful for my birthday this year, I think I would never run out of things to smile about until I turn 22. :)

Thanks so much for everyone who made my day extra special. I've never felt more homely than I do today. :)

Traveling sure gets me down and lonely.

You're so far away.

Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?

Desensitized

I am 24 percent done with my work load. Well, I really like looking at my glass half full. Thank you. :)

All along, I thought I'm going to be desensitized of human drama after interviewing people with the same set of questions two to three times a day. Everyone has a story to tell, and now I believe that. Although I must admit, there were times when my thoughts would take me some place else; all thanks to the sweet bitter smell of kapeng barako and the never-ending acoustic music played over and over again in a small coffee shop where I meet people for an hour or so to talk about their lives.

I've never used my eyes, ears, and hands more than I had in the past two weeks of doing this job. Although I already did series of interviews as a student, this time I feel different. Unlike before, when I needed to do interviews, I did it because it is required of me and I just wanted a decent grade. Now, I wanted to come up with good interviews because I want these stories to be told in the best way possible.

On my way home, I'm suddenly reminded of a Korean movie I watched before. It's said there that "A true artist fears a blank canvass." I was thinking of this, except in a writer's point of view. I think a true writer also fears a blank paper. At least, I believe I am afraid of that.

There are times when I ask myself if I could really write something worth a read. The only people who praised me for my writing capabilities are my friends. Well, they are my friends so perhaps they are not counted as people who admire my writing. I am quite hesitant about finishing this project, but I am really hoping that in the end of the story, I'll surpass the fear of an empty paper and maybe, touch people through my writing. Some part of me is excited while the other part is still doubtful. But the good always win over the evil so I know that I'll get past through this and finally, fill my glass full. :)

I feel really lazy writing, though. Ugh. :|

I live in a place where it's 
not allowed to cry.

Sometimes, I am wondering if I can call this place home or if I can call the people living in this place my family. When I feel broken and I cry, it's unacceptable. People will hear; they'll think we're doing something bad to you. It's not that big of a deal, you shouldn't cry. Don't make a drama out of it.

I don't understand why I shouldn't cry when I feel like it. I don't understand why I'm always wrong. I don't understand why I should take the blame at all times. I don't understand why the words in my mouth come out differently from how I intend it to be. I don't understand why most of the times, I am the hated child.

I feel like my chest would explode any moment now. I am pained and no one's here to listen to my silent cries.  I just want to cry my heart out; but I can't...because I live under a roof where people cares more of what others would think than what their child feels.

I can't make you love me if you don't.

You can't make your heart feel something it won't.

For the sake of writing!

I haven't written anything in the longest time. Wow, I'm not a good blogger. You may find it weird but when things are easy and happy, I don't know how to write it. I don't know, I feel like I won't do much justice to my happiness when I write it.

Well, anyways, tomorrow I'll start my working...again. I feel a mixture of excitement and nervousness. :)

That's it. Lol. I don't have much to write, really.

I'm so happppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I could die tomorrow

:))))))))))))))))))))))))

We the best. Nuff said.

And it's all because of this:

Makes me proud I am a UP Maroon! :)

I'm gonna find another you.

I made the wrong choice.
And no sad love song can make me feel better.

If you love someone tell them, because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken.

I find it hard to admit I am wrong.

But now I know that I am.

Some people just won't take no for an answer.

Two weeks ago, while I was contemplating hard on pursuing the permanent position in this certain company, I felt like a got an answer from heavens when a friend texted me that she recommended me to a company in Alabang. Originally, the company was interested in her, but she already have a job. I was thrilled as they are looking for people who want to work in the fields of communication, events organizing, and training.

The very same day, a guy called me and asked if I were available for a meet-up. Unfortunately, I was still busy transcribing some interviews that I said it was a bad time to call. The guy called me again the next day. This guy talked fast that I couldn't really understand his name. I inquired about the job post, but he said that it's better if we could just meet in their office so we can fully discuss the positions available. I agreed. We set an appointment the next week.

I arrived in their office only to be surprised that there were already ten people inside, each having a conversation with one office staff. I remember the guy telling me "There is low competition, so you don't worry about that." Or something like that. This didn't look anything like low competition. A woman asked me who my contact was, and I said, sorry I can't really remember his name. She gave some names, and I shook my head because I really can't remember.

I was asked to sit in one chair until someone approached me, who was apparently the guy who called me for the meet-up. This comment is unnecessary, but he looks cute. I feel like I had to say that because that's probably the only nice thing I'll say about him in this whole entry. Probably.

So we chitchatted a bit, together with another lady who is also looking for another job opportunity. We were looking for the same thing. But I guess the present given to us was wrapped in our expectations only to see a completely unexpected content.

We were led to a showroom while videos are being presented. They were impressive, I must say. A woman then entered, who was presumably the host of the afternoon's presentation. She's nervous and unsure of what she's talking about. She apologized a lot for stuttering in English and for videos that weren't playing. I don't know if it's her first time, but I guess she could've done better. Well, anyways, the presentation showed some interesting facts. According to them, the baby boomers in US dictate the economy. They have a 50% share on cash spendings so most companies devote the focus of products and services to their preference. If baby boomers don't ring a bell, they are the babies responsible for population growth after the World War II. I didn't know that, too. Ha ha. So now that these baby boomers are middle-aged, companies should ride the trend of what these group of people want. And do you know what that is? Anti-aging products. Yes, these babies want to stay young forever.

In the back of my head, I was thinking that this is too superficial. Of course, we all want to stay young forever. But I can't see how we could be millionnaires just by selling creams, body washes, pills, etc. Well, unless, they are overpriced. Oh wait, they are.

To make the story short, the job offered to me was to sell products while recruiting people to join the business. It's like a pyramid scheme where people are asked to recruit and recruit people until the person on tops gets rich. It fascinates me how some people still fall prey to this kind of business. May it be legal or not, I think it's a shame they would lure people like me who are desperate in finding jobs.

This is just my point of view, but sales isn't for me. I wouldn't want to be part of a team who boasts of "not needing skills and intellect to make money." If they would think of it, yes, they make huge amounts of money just by recruiting people and selling stuff, but don't they think their skills and potential would go to the trash bin just because they'd choose this path?

The beginning of this story, I was asked by that guy the reason why I made time to go to their office. Was it for experience or for the money? He was surprised I said it's for the experience. He asked me if I don't need money anymore. I said, yes, I need money but my goal now is to have an experience rather than make huge amounts of money. I'm not rich, I'm actually broke, but I won't trade money for the opportunity of using my skills and knowledge in contributing to the society's work force. Sure, working in the office is tiring and draining. Sure, I won't have all the luxurious things they already have with the basic salary I'll get. But one thing is for sure, the things I worked hard for while I was studying didn't go down the drainage.

Here are my tips if you encounter people like this. Be wary if:

1. They don't want to explain the nature of work right away.
2. They just go by some initials as the name of the company.
3. They would boast of being American-based.
4. They would ask you to go in a sports smart casual attire. (Lol, I didn't.)
5. They would ask you to name the person who recruited you.
6. They would say you need to invest a small amount of money, which is not really that small.
7. They wouldn't even look at your resume! (That's the scariest!)
8. They would bug you to have a follow-up meeting.
9. They would lend you a booklet (which is cheaply produced and termed as a document) that you need to return if you refused the follow-up meeting.

There! This is just my side of the story. So if anyone from that company reads this, I just saw this from my lenses. It might not be entirely correct in your view, but this is how I see it. Thank you.

How can you say no to flattery?

I am in love with words. When I listen to music on youtube, I'd prefer a lyrics video than the real video. When I watch a movie, I obsessively listen closely to the words the characters utter. I feel happy when people say nice things to me.

So, I really can't say no to flattery. I am sanguine, yes!

Today, I had a meeting with my very first client as a freelance writer slash lay out artist. Hoho. I'm just making it sound pretty, I'm actually not doing freelance. I was asked by my former boss if I were interested in a project that she had to make for the anniversary of their company. Since I turned down the opportunity for a permanent appointment, she asked if I were interested in doing some contractual work for them. She said she really liked my interview outputs and that I was good. But that's not what I'm really happy about. She told me I have the rare skill of making people instantly feel at ease when I talk with them.

That's such a good thingggg I'm convinced to work with them againnnn! Hahahaha. But honestly, I feel really happy that she said that. I mean, there can be thousands of people who are good writers, but not everyone can make you feel comfortable in conversations. I've met and talked to people who were scary, intimidating, and awkward to talk with. Good thing I'm not part of that group! :)

Anyhow, the only sad thing about accepting this job is that I might not be home on my birthday. Sad. This is the first time I'll be away from home IF EVER I accept this job offer. But based on my flattered emotions, there's a high possibility that I might accept it. 

Thank you for your nice words, Ma'am! :))

PS. My mom is the best. She's very happy when I told her this. Love you Ma! And sorry about the last blog post I made. :(

Mothers are special.

I remember having a conversation with a friend about how her parents suck up to her siblings who already work.  I couldn't believe it at first, but then I saw it with my own very eyes. Parents turn into something else when their children became a member of the work force.

Well, I guess except for my Dad. He is very kind, supportive, and understanding. My mom, though, is a different scenario. Not more than a week ago, they thought that I would finally have a full time job. But then, I evaluated that this job wasn't suitable for me. So I declined further training and future employment in this particular company. Back in those days when I had to wake up early for that job, my mom was very enthusiastic about household chores and she would often be concerned of what I eat or wear before going to work. When I got home from work, she would treat me as if I'm the best daughter in the whole world.

Then after I lost that job opportunity, she seemed a bit...I don't know, distant. She's angry at the littlest mistakes I do. When I try to tell her that she's acting that way towards me, she would counterfeit and turn to my dad who would always take her side. My dad would calmly talk to me that I shouldn't treat Mama that way. Thus, I'm always the bad guy in this everyday drama.

Don't take me wrong, I love my mom so much. Much more than I'll ever loved anyone. But I just wish that she could understand me more and accept my decisions wholeheartedly. I mean, I'm a grown up now, and she should just let me decide on what I want to do with my life.

Someday, when I become a mother to my own kids, I won't force them into doing what they don't want to do. I would let them choose the path they want to take. But I won't completely leave them; I would just guide and assist them along the way. I won't do things to unconsciously pressure them. I would look deep into their thoughts and feelings instead of thinking of how they would look like to others. I would love and accept them no matter what.

Someday, I don't want my kids to be like me.

Forever a small town girl

There is money sitting on my bank account for five days. I know it's not mine but the owner won't get it even if I told him! What to do? Omo, I wanna go shopping. LOL. Temptation is hard to resist. Really hard.

Ha ha. I need to get things done but I'm still thinking right now if I want to go out of my house. Yesterday, I realized that I need to go out more often and make myself lesser of a homebody. I suck in directions and I'm scared of public transportation and I talk to myself in public! I am crazy! AND forever a small town girl.

I need to be street smart. I'm not sure how to do that, though. But I will! I wish I was born a Dora. Ha ha.

What is success?

I'd like to think that everyone of us has his own concept of what success is. Some may think that it's money, or career growth, or peace of mind.

Today, I met a guy who has a different concept of what success is. He answered the latter. He said that when he and his friends get together, they would tell him how much money they make or how many places they have visited. But in his case, he tells them his future is secured and safe. He also said that he aspires to retire by the age of 30--and he's on the right track.

He also shared a story of an eagle who was raised with chickens. Though the eagle could fly fast and soar high, he wasn't able to do so because he thought he was a chicken. He said he believe in the endless potential that everyone has.

I am inspired.

Mr. Simple

I like simple guys.

And by simple,

I mean Korean guys with blonde hair.

Haha. <3

The longest three seconds of my life

Yesterday, I went to an amusement park with my former boss' team. I was informed by his staff that they needed an extra hand for an exhibit they had to put up. Since it's free and it's a job for a day, I decided to go with them.

I am not a huge fan of amusement parks, especially that I am a coward. My heart would explode if I ride rides. But I did ride with the team because they wouldn't if I didn't. So, my heart exploded...

But I survived!

I wish I had photos to show you how my face looked like everytime the log would crash into the waters in the Jungle Log Jam. I felt like it's the longest three seconds of my life. I swear I wanted to jump off of the log when there was a chance. Hahaha. It's the scariest ride I rode that time. Yes, I know. As I said, I am a coward.

However, there's a lesson I learned from this. In life, we have things we're scared of. But once we're already  in that situation, we can't help but...to just be there. Once we get through it, the less scarier things appear less and less scarier.

Lol. Wow, I'm losing my words. Hahahaha.

Fear

It's weird that I feel like I'm starting from Step 1 all over again.

Now, I'm pretty much jobless again. It's not like I resigned because basically I just decided not to go on with my application with the previous company I had training with.

I am starting to think that I have a problem with commitment. I don't like the feeling of responsibility being stocked on my shoulders knowing that somehow, all my works would affect the whole company. It scares me that my output may not be good enough.

I'm scared that I might not ever find a job that's most suitable for me. But I'm also afraid that I when I do find that job, I might run away again because of the lack of confidence I had in me.

I know what my Step 1 is. I should get rid of this fear.

Even if you want me,
I won't stay.
It will be harder for both of us,
Because I don't love you.
And I won't love you.
And I don't change my mind.

Half-hearted

For the last three weeks, I've been attending a job training in a company that has a deep passion for social work. Their mission and vision are so much related to my university major, it's like a dream. Everyone in this company has a heart for what they do.

And that's what I didn't have.

Tomorrow I would tell them that somebody else deserves the spot they would give me. They shouldn't hire someone half-hearted in what they do.

I learned so much form them, though. Most of the people I interviewed for the last three days were really bursting with so much fire and happiness in what they do. I want to find a job that would make me feel that way everyday. Something I won't get tired of doing.

Though my mom might be thinking that I wasted my time and money on attending this training, I believe otherwise. No such thing as wasted time. I believe this happened for me to do what I really want and not settle on what's in front of me.

Iskolar-ship

Today at church, someone was asked to give a testimony regarding getting a full scholarship in the university. This person is studying at the same university I graduated in.

I remember attending a rally during my first year in college because of the raise in tuition fee in my uni. Our tuition fee rose to more than a hundred percent. If 'm not mistaken, the tuition fee tripled when I got in.

However, students can avail of scholarships that could grant them a percentage of the total TF or for some, they can study on a full scholarship plus stipend. However, the basis of this scholarship is on how much money your parents make.

I'm not saying that this system is not good. I am just thinking that it's not the most perfect scheme to use. Having this scholarship is like having the caste system in the 21st century. You pay more because your parents make more money.

I am not generalizing here, but I know some students who intentionally fail a class because their tuition fee is not as much as those in the Bracket A. Well, I also know students who still intentionally fail classes because they're rich. What I'm pointing at here is that money shouldn't be the primary reason for students to get full scholarships. I know students who are from the middle-class who are more deserving to get a full scholarships than, maybe, a number of financially challenged students.

If I could suggest a new scholarship scheme, I'd say let's give the scholarships to those who get the best grades. So yeah, grades aren't the best measurement to know someone's intelligence but I see students who are working hard to get good grades also deserving of getting scholarships as well. I also think that this will reinforce students to do what they are supposed to do--to study hard.

Better yet, they could just return the price of quality education so that everyone could enjoy the true privileges of being "Iskolar ng Bayan".

Love in disguise

This movie is too cute to miss! :)

Though it's about a music star who disguised himself as a guy from a remote village to find his soulmate, this movie is actually very relate-able. I don't want to spoil it for you so I won't give a summary. Ha ha. You know I'm just too lazy to do that.

Some reviews said that this movie is already cliche and quite predictable. It was nonetheless worth your 60 minutes. It's very easy to watch, though I won't say that Chinese humor would make you laugh hard. But it's cool! And very cute!

So if you have nothing to do this weekend, watch this! <3

PRETTY GIRLS 
CAN GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING


Pffft.

Stalkurrr mucho.

I've been fostering a crush on someone since two or three years ago. Ha ha. It's really funny because I'm forcing myself not to reply on his facebook status. I've gone stalkerish scary on him--since we don't really know each other personally and we're friends on two social networking sites already. How stalkerish scary is that!

Sometimes, I also ask questions anonymously on his formspring. OH MY GOD. I should shut up. I am really becoming stalkerish scary.

I know you get that feeling, too (or maybe it's just me). When you see that person you like online, then you want to say hi, but then you haven't gathered enough confidence yet. And just about you reached that point when you already want to say hi, he would suddenly go offline. Dang. Good thing facebook lets you send messages even when friends are offline now. But I still haven't tried yet.

Anyways, he's still my crush. And sometimes, looking from afar is better than looking up-close. That doesn't make sense, I know. But you know what, you don't deserve love when you're not ready to sound stupid! I'm lucky I'm not that smart. Thank heavens. :)

But regarding what I said up there, I take it back. Do you know that JC Penney received lots of complaints from mothers regarding their new shirt design saying "I'm too pretty to do my homework..." It's not necessary for women to act dumb just so guys could feel powerful over them and eventually like them. Women should be smart and beautiful. So thank heavens, I'm created with a useful brain. Ha ha.

I used to believe in fairy tales

Until I met you

Fickle-minded

Sometimes, I can't understand my own self.

I've being going to and fro with the decision regarding my current job. I'm at the state now when I had to decide whether to pursue this career or not. In just a few days, I had to sign a contract that will mark the next six months of my life.

To tell the truth, I've been living in regret everyday of my life. I regret that I didn't pursue a course that I like. I regret that I hid my true self to most of my friends. And more. My dad said that I should just try it for 6 months, then I decide. But that's my whole point. I don't want to waste yet another six months in my life.

Today, I just spent my day waiting for the supervisor for my training. I was actually quite nervous because I have no correct experience with bosses. Most of my bosses were kind of related to me or not physically present or have this sick thing for informalities. So regarding formal bosses, I'm not very used to having that. But my boss today, she's uhm, okay. Although, she's the kind of woman with such powerful aura. The kind I fear most. I don't know, I just feel really intimidated when I see women like that. But she's okay.

The task that I had for today was just to write interview questions for staff with inspiring stories. I remember my student days! But this was different, though. I was expecting that my questions would get rejected or revised, but then, everything got accepted. When I was writing for my Journ classes before, most of my questions needed to be corrected by my instructor. It could be that my writing has gotten better, or I was just plain lucky.

Tomorrow, I had to interview some staff. Normally, I would feel nervous about interviews. But now, I don't feel anything. Maybe because all my questions were approved. Unlike before. Man, when I wrote my survey instrument, I had to revise it 100 times! So this is truly a miracle!

I have a plan. Today, I decided to follow my dreams. Yes, I really would. I would enroll in a short course on graphic design or photography every weekend until my skills become better. Then, I would send an application to an advertising company. Because this is what I really want to do! And I would do it!

No one can hold me back. Not this old town. Or my parents. Not even my own anxious self.

But for now, I have to finish this job training and I'll see what goes from there.

If you have some wise advice, please write them down. :)

Longer Weekend

For the rest of the working force, office starts today. However, that's different for me. I was supposed to have the first day of my field exposure with the Research Department of the company I'll be working in, but when I arrived in the office, they were already off to do some interviews somewhere. Mind you, I wasn't late. I actually arrived at 7:40 AM.

So the personnel politely asked me to go home and report to the office tomorrow morning.

Lucky or unlucky, I was able to do what I love most--take afternoon naps. :)

To be honest, I'm quite nervous as to how this training would go. I wish I'd do good so that this company would hire me. Though I was hesitant if I should take this job or not at first, I think I would want to pursue it already. You know, one of the things I'm really bothered of is not attending a Christmas Party when December comes. I don't know, it's just too sad when December comes and I'm jobless and I don't have a penny to buy gifts for my loved ones.

Speaking of that, September is here, Christmas is near! I've always loved September 1st, it reminds me that Christmas is just a few sleeps ahead. :)

I need a car...

Or a boyfriend with a car.

Dang, my feet hurt so bad. I feel like I lost 5 kg from walking to our new house from the very kanto of our area.

And I hate the tricycle system here. It’s too selfish, it’s always pro-drivers. Gaaaaad. I need 57 years to get used to this.

Anyways, I have a plus one day off from work. Yeps, I am one lucky girl. :)

Goodbye.

Leaving is difficult,

but necessary.

The apartment that we're staying in right now looks like an evacuation center with all the boxes of our packed things. We have been moving from one house to another ever since I was a kid. I thought I was used to moving away, but then, I feel quite sad now that I had to leave this place.

Years ago, I thought my family would be staying in our old house for good. But my mom got sick and she needed to be surrounded with people who can look after her. So we moved to our hometown in an apartment of a family friend. Unfortunately, our family friend's daughter would be marrying someone this year and she will be using this house.

Now that I think about it, I can understand why my parents felt a bit sad when we were asked to leave this house. First of all, there were other tenants of other apartments whom the landlord could ask to leave. However, for some strange reason, we were the family to be evicted. I don't know if the daughter's inheritance is this side of the lot or whatever, but I really can't understand why they chose us.

Second, the landlord knew that the reason why we came home was for my mom to be near her family. My aunt lives two blocks away, so she can just check on my mom anytime. If we had a choice, we would stay in this neighborhood, but there were no available houses for us to occupy.

Third. Jk. I have no third item. I just feel really sad. I would be away from my family yet again. I couldn't meet the friends I made in this place as often as I could. 

Anyways, I'm still grateful for the almost three years we spent in this place.

Quantifying

My family's youngest baby turned one today. She is a blessing to all of us. She is our little bundle of joy! Now that we only have two days to move to a new house, I think I would really miss her to pieces when we're not neighbors anymore. Sadfaise. Ugh, I really wish I could watch her grow up.

Actually, this baby hates me now. Whenever I try to hug or kiss her, she would hit me in the face. When I came home from my training last Friday, I think she have already forgotten about me. But this doesn't make me love her less! Before, I would babysit her every afternoon and she would jump on me whenever she sees me. I kinda feel sad that maybe she won't recognize me anymore when my family's gone to another place.

Anyways, today, while everyone's busy preparing for her birthday party, a thought crossed my mind. I think numbers just make things more complicated for us humans. I'm not saying that because I hate math. Contrary to popular belief, I am actually very good in math.

Ok, I suck in Math.

So I most often do not get the correct amount to pay when my friends and I go out, and I almost failed the most basic algebra in College, but that doesn't make me hate math. Believe it or not, I got a "Best in Math" medal when I was in the 2nd grade in elementary. But that's maybe because all we had to do back then was to add and subtract two digit numbers.

So anyways, I was really thinking that ever since men quantified our lives, it made it more difficult. Just imagine life without numbers--we don't have to worry about time, age gaps, prices, etc. Nobody would be profit-driven. Everyone can fall in love regardless of age difference. Nobody will drown in thoughts of uncertainties of the future. Life would be more simple and plain.

However, this is just my wishful thinking. In reality, people would still see me as a Language-person who sucks in Math. Oh wells.

I'm bored of you.

I love this song. 

Dia's voice makes this rainy nght more comfyyy.

<3

But this song is...quite sad.

Money is useless in the hands of a fool.

That awkward moment.

"Awkward" might be one of the most overused and misused words recently since Twitter made the phrase "That awkward moment when..." famous. I think we need to redefine what's awkward and what's not, since everyone just made everything awkward. And I mean EVERYTHING.

So here is an example of what I think is awkward:

When you try to be tell a joke and then the air just became awkward because nobody found it funny.

Not awkward:

You try to tell someone that meant something to you, then s/he just replied with "Hahahaha."

Scenario number two is not awkward. It's irritating.

Job training

I am dead tired. But happy. :)

I arrived today from the job training I attended for five days. At first, I thought that I would die of boredom and homesickness, but I actually enjoyed my stay. Now, I wish we could have stayed longer.

I met some awesome people, although I really doubt it if we ever meet again. I do hope that we still will, though. :)

When I was there, I was thinking of lots of things to write when I got home. Now that I'm home, I can't think of anything to write! Haha. I'll write more when I remember. :)

There are two things I like about myself:

One is how easily I appreciate and like something.

And two, how I can easily let go of that thing once I already know it’s owned.

Irony

I had to go home today for the Gawad Parangal for exceptional citizens of my town. Lol. Not that I'm saying that I'm exceptional. ;)

To be honest, I didn't have the energy and will to finish the whole program, so I just sat there for a couple of minutes after I receive my certificate. Almost everything was wrong with the program, except when my name was called and I was handed my certificate and one of the town councilors asked me to stay for a photo op. I felt infinite.

Wow, I'm actually bragging. Ha ha.

I'm just being objective here, though. It could have been a better, more organized program. There were lots of ushers and usherettes but they were kind of useless. My dad wasn't let in at first, because the two tickets given to me was supposedly just for me and one person (which was my mom). After a while, my dad was also able to enter the venue because my mom talked to another officer who apparently got the instruction correct.

The "pararangalans" were asked to occupy the Mayor's office then. I was expecting that someone might orient us on what to do, or where to sit, or whatever. But then, we were just there waiting for the program to start. We were then asked to fall in line...in whatever way we like. Man, that was the most chaotic line I've ever seen. Even kindergarten students can do better!

Then, we entered the venue as chaotic as ever...after the prayer and singing of the national anthem. We didn't know what seats to take because the ushers were kids who are also confused on what to do.

AND THIS IS THE MOST IRONIC PART OF THE EVENING. Since this night was supposed to honor citizens who were inspirations to my hometown's people, I guess they could do better than asking a teenage pregnant girl to sing a song about heartbreak. Man. That's something.

Okay, I am not judging. You know very well that I'm the least to judge people. However, what I'm saying here is it is very inappropriate. I couldn't blame them though, this is the first time they hosted such event. I do hope that next year will be a less chaotic and formal night.

Oh, by the way, the hosts weren't very good too. I'm not a good speaker, but I could say myself that perhaps I might do a better job. Chosss!

Anyways, my training is going well, if you'd like to hear about it. :)

Miss meeeeeeee.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder," so they say. I hope you miss me when I'm gone! Well, I'm not really going for good, but this is the first time in more than a month that I'll be away from home. After so many days of being a bum, I have to stretch my muscles to earn some dough. Well, I'm not really after earning money. I am after the experience of having actual co-workers and an actual office. For the time that I spent being jobless, I was working "virtually". Online jobs are good. However, there still something missing. My brother, the socially awkward one, told me I'm becoming more like him by the day.

Anyways, I'm still not sure as to whether I'll have internet access for the time I'll be away. In some angle, I think that's quite a good thing. I realized that I'm too reliant on the internet recently that it kinda is making me dumb. It's like I can't think for myself anymore! So while I am away, I think it would give me time to just be...uhmm...just me. Haha.

Ugh. I have to pack my things now. Byes.

All my bags are packed,
I'm ready to go.





Not really.

Memories for sale

Time changes everything, even me. I used to be so sentimental and attached to objects that for me held memories of the past. I dislike giving away or throwing away old toys, clothes, books, etc. But today, I finally had the courage to let go of these things who once meant something in my life.

And that's probably because I'm super broke.

This coming week, I have to stay in-house for my job training. I won't have my mom around to fix me food when I'm hungry. I won't have my dad to give me money when I spent all my part-time job salary. I have to stand on my own two feet.

Adding to that, I spent all my money on processing some documents for pre-employment requirements. I don't know where to get money for my allowance next week. When I woke up this morning, I saw the sackful of clothes my mom already packed for our moving to a new house. I haven't mentioned yet, but we're moving to a new house in a week's time. Anyways, I decided to put my clothes on sale on a very low price. That's how desperate I was.

Maybe I wasn't born a business woman, because my garage sale was a flunk. My neighbors bought some of my items but some of them just asked me to just give them away for free. I felt like I'm being a bad neighbor if I refused them so I just said yes. By the end of the day, well, I just got enough money to travel to the location of my training. Not good.

Anyways, I don't have any plans of packing them again and bringing them to our new place. I'd just probably donate them somewhere or give them away for free. Those clothes don't fit me anymore anyways. I just pray that the Good Lord will bless my "generosity". Lol

I'm fine (:

From Ate Kae

Negative

Today is my first time taking a drug test. Tell you, I don't know a lot about drugs--that's maybe why the result of my test was a negative.

Hahahahahahahahahaha. Get it? Drug test? Negative? Lol.

Anyways, I was really nervous about the test today. Not because I have taken drugs before, but because of the instructions I saw in front of the girls' washroom. It was stated there that an administrative staff needs to be there with you while taking your urine sample. At first, a woman was assisting me. Then she went away, then a guy came over and assisted. I was quite uncomfortable, because you know he's a guy and he's a bit..uhmm..attractive too. Haha. But good thing he didn't stay there with me. He just said not to lock the doors while I took my sample. Wheeew. What a reliefffff.

Gaaaaah. I feel tired. My thoughts are all over the place.

By the way, the guy from the Lab looks a lot like him:

Except he is not that skinny. Gaaah. I'm in loveeeee. 

I suddenly remembered, my picture on the test results looks drugged even though I'm not. Hahaha. WTH.

Blame the sedentary lifestyle.

I weigh 53 kilograms already.

Shaaaaaks.

Mag-exercise na ako tuwing umaga.

Tuwing umaga.

Suggestion

It just takes a second for my world to come crumbling down
Oh I'm sure in the distance you can hear that awful sound
How I plead for an answer
Plead for an answer from you
But if you give me and answer that just makes no sense
Then whats the use

So why cant he see from my point of view

And how many seconds in the hours of a day we lose

Was it me or his feelings

Me or his feelings that day

Cause I just stood there in silence

Watched while my world away

And just like that my world was broken

I can barely breathe and now I'm open for suggestions

At the end of the day life's a lesson

My life's a lesson

Oh why can I see it from his point of view?

And how many seconds in the hours will I make him lose?

Oh he said it was him or the answer

It was him or the answer that day

Well I kept shouting out the answer so what was the use anyway?

  

Let go.

There's a story from my childhood that I could not seem to forget. I can't remember if my father told me that, or if I heard it over the radio, or I read it from a book. But it is marked inside my head until now.

There was a man who fell off a cliff. He was just holding onto a branch of a tree. He was told by God to let go, but he said, "No, I don't wanna die." But then God said, "You have to trust me, my son." But he still didn't. So, he spent the rest of the night trying his best not to let go of the branch. When the sun rises, he finally found out why God was asking him to let go. He was only a feet away from the ground.

There are some things (and some people) you need to give up on. Sometimes, the only answer is letting go.

So, I'm letting you go. Fly away and never return to my fcking life you asshole.

Hahahaha. Just kidding. :)

You were the branch that I'm holding onto. But I figured today that I shouldn't have hold onto you for a long time. Today, I decided to let go. Hopefully, I fall safely on the ground. :)

Ang mga kaibigan daw ay parang buwan;

Mawawala din balang araw.

Nabasa ko kay Marise na sinulat ni Ces.

Comfort Pillow

Just in case it's not obvious yet, that's a pillow. Haha.

A comfortable looking pillow to be exact. 

Some dreams don't come true

I played an online game called "Draw my Thing" with friends and I think they didn't believe me when I said I aspire to be a graphic artist someday. I actually worked as a graphic artist before. I even design for free if you ask me to. But somehow, someone still told me that "my handwriting is as bad as my drawing." Well, some dreams don't come true.

I drew that picture. I was told that my drawing is as ugly as fuck, that I can't even draw a straight line. I don't like straight lines. Cause, you know, I have astigmatism and even if it's a straight line, I still won't see the difference. Maybe that's the reason why I find it hard to differentiate a straight guy from a gay guy. (Joke)

A friend told me before that in art, everything starts with a straight line. I practiced doing straight lines, but I just couldn't do it. Maybe I should give up my dream.  Maybe this is not my niche in the world. Maybe I'm born to do something else. Something like this:

I just stole photos from the net and put them together and maybe that's illegal but if I had more time I would take the photo myself. But anyways, thanks for the photos, Google. 

To whoever owns those photos, I used them and photoshopped them but no worries, this would just be used for academic purposes. If you're gonna sue me for using them, you should sue someone else because I just did this for a friend who works as a teacher in a private high school who just wants to reward his students for good stewardship of their classroom. :)

Oh, btw, do people also sue for using types? I also just downloaded that type. Thanks, typographic artist or whatever you call people who make font types.

I am natatangi. O yeah!

I received an invitation today to attend an Awards Ceremony for people who are "natatangi" in my town. I've never been "natatangi" before. Lol.

When towns celebrate their feasts in my country, we usually have singing contests, beauty pageants, etc., -- which mostly I won't really qualify. I'm happy that this year, my town would host this Awards Ceremony for normal citizens like College Graduates, Teachers, and Professionals who contributed something special just for doing what they do. Like in my case, I'm being recognized just for being a college graduate. How cool is that.

Honestly, I thought my application would be voided because I didn't follow the appropriate requirements to hand in. Like we were asked to submit a certification of honors received during graduation. I actually didn't receive any honors, but I submitted my certification of being a member of an honor society. Ha Ha Ha. My membership would actually expire in just a few months.

Oh boy. I better shape up for the dress I bought for this. Yes! My money didn't go to waste. :)

Things I learned today

I had my second interview today for a job that I applied for. Remember my post on talking too fast when I'm nervous? Yeah, I got shortlisted despite the fact that I didn't do well in the first one. I was very surprised when I entered the building and saw a familiar face. A college batchmate also applied for the job and got shortlisted as well.

I think I didn't get  the executive assistant post. There were three of us who were said to be the most qualified for the job and between the two girls and me, I think they are way ahead of me. They both live near the main office. The other one has a background on human resource development and the other in publications. They are taller than me. If that matters.

However, the company's HR director told us that they "need" the three of us. They said they already have a placement for us. Hopefully, I get a position in training and development or something like that.

I learned a lot from the HR director today. He's a good guy with lots of good insights.

First, he told us that having a good timing has its perks. Listening to him, I think I had a failed moment a while ago. I interrupted him while he was saying something to another applicant. Ha ha. I'm sorry for being talkative, I just have to speak my thoughts out loud. I'm sure that didn't give him the most proper impression of me. I am actually very reserved and talk only as needed.

He also said that we should value honesty and humility. He said that in this company, we couldn't differentiate who is the boss and who are the staff. This kind of got through to me, because he also mentioned that we shouldn't act proud just because we got a certain degree in a certain university and we possess certain skills and we're like the best employee the company has ever hired. Graduates from my university have this certain "yabang". And I think I am not an exemption. I take pride in my U-ni-ber-si-dad ng Pi-li-pi-nas! Lol.

And this is probably my worst moment of the day. I introduced myself as someone who has passion for work. I was told today that we shouldn't carry our own chairs. Let the quality of your work speak for yourself, he said. Yeah, I agree. I should just probably stick to name, university, age, and address intro.

Today was an okay day. I felt okay. I have a training scheduled a week from now. Alas, I have something to do everyday. But I might not be able to have internet access for two weeks, except for weekends, because we had to do some field work and I should stay with the rest of the trainees in the center. Sounds exciting. I could finally see the world outside my house's fences.

Ow life.

What to choose

So I tend to have a quick tongue whenever I'm angry and I usually do not mean what I say when that happens. So yeah, I was a bit mad at my parents from hours ago because of judging me for losing my religion.

After hours of solitude aka watching movies that aren't related to my personal drama, I realized that my parents are good parents. They discipline me properly. Today, they seriously talked to me about my career options and they told me that I should decide for my own. They also spoke of their suggestions and I'm still weighing them at the moment.

The way I observed it though, my mom still treats me as a kid. She wants her decisions to be my decisions. In my dad's case, I think he views me as an adult already. While my mom's voice is shaking in anger as she talked to me about religion with job opportunities on the side, my dad remained calm and asked me about my plans in life.

Wow, I feel like an adult already.

Honestly, I'm torn between doing what I want and doing what's practical and convenient. If you were given that choice, what would you choose? Well of course you won't answer my question since nobody really comments on my blog. I don't know which one to pick. I wished my life was scripted and I just needed to act it out.

Stranger

I unintentionally skipped church today and my parents were like I'd go to hell and that I became a backslider. I want to emphasize on "unintentionally" because I never really intended to skip church. My mom's voice was shaking as she told me about how people at church were asking why I missed it and that I had the most photos shown at the presentation at church today and that I wasn't there to give a testimony on the church's anniversary. My brother said my mom and I were like match sticks and gas, we could set anything aflame any time of the day.

Because nobody is listening to my side of my story, I'd like to share my side with you.

My mom said I was still sleeping when they left home. Wrong! I was already awake. It's true that I slept at 3:30 am today but I really tried my best to wake up at 9am. By 10 am, I was already dressed up for church. However, I couldn't find my leggings inside my closet. I looked everywhere, but to no avail.

So, it's true that I have other clothes to wear, but I am that kind of person who's dead set about wearing something for the day. I was also expecting to go to my company's lunch gathering today so I really must wear that.

But then again, I forgot to RSVP to the said lunch gathering. I looked at the email sent to me and realized that my friend, who was bugging me to go with her, had the wrong date in mind. The lunch gathering was next week. By this time, it's already 10:30 am. To be honest, I don't want to arrive in the middle of the Pastor's sermon. Apparently, today was a testimonial day at church.

Okay, while I was reading my side of story, I think it's kind of lame. But I tell you, I didn't plan this to happen. My parents, especially my mom, were very angry as if I really planned not to go. Most Sundays, I do plan some excuses not to go to church, but I overcame them and eventually still go. I am on the verge of backsliding, but I tell you, I am doing my best to fight it. I just need time. The least I need right now are people judging me about how wrong I am and making me feel really unholy.

The church used to be my home. Now, I feel like an outcast. People treat me as if I'm a stranger. I don't feel like I belong anymore. I know I am supposed to go there for the Lord only, but I know the church is also supposed to strengthen fellow brothers and sisters who are weak and poor. When I go there, I feel weaker and poorer. Sorry to say.

I am not closing my doors. I just need to feel God again. I need to feel his real existence. I wish I could. If you pray, I hope you can pray for me. Because right now, I can't even say a word to God. I feel ashamed and unworthy and useless.

Job fairs and Indie films and everything in betweens

I feel like I was beaten by a gang with the pain in my shoulder the time I woke up this morning. Last night, I slept earlier than usual because my feet hurt. But it seems as if the pain from my feet transferred to my left shoulder. I don't know if it has something to do with yesterday, but it seems like it does.

Yesterday, my friends and I went to a Job Fair. We stood in line for 2 hours, it reminded me of my Graduation day. Good thing I changed my mind about wearing high heels or else, I might be still in bed right now because I couldn't get up. I was very tired and sort of hungry but I was happy and for some weird reason, I feel accomplished. Maybe because I was amidst thousands of people who are also driven to look for jobs. I think I really should surround myself with people like them, it revives the dreamer in me.

For the first time since graduation day, I envisioned myself finally doing something worth my time. We sent applications to various companies but there's this company that stood out from the rest. I can see myself working with them and for them. I could see myself moving to a new city, renting a place with my friends, and doing fun stuff when we receive our first salary. Wow, I am actually dreaming again.

But for now, of course, I have to wait until they contact me for interview. Haha.

Yesterday, after the job fair, we went to watch a movie entitled "Ang Babae sa Septic Tank." There's so much fuss about this indie film that I also became interested in watching it. That's the bad thing about super good publicity, it makes someone like me think it is overrated. Or it could just be my bad eyesight that's coming in the way.

I would have never guessed it was  Kean Cipriano who played Rainier in that movie. Now, that's what I call "No acting" acting. He was actually good acting like he wasn't acting at all. Oh, wait, he's like that in real life.
So, maybe he wasn't really acting-acting. You know what I mean.

The end could have ended differently. I mean, it could end like other indie films. You know, an ending that would make you think hard and would make you feel genius because you and your friends would discuss about how it could possibly end and your friends would disagree with your ending but you would defend your side and they would defend theirs and you would just agree to disagree and just say that the filmmaker achieved his objective to make the audience think but deep inside your mind you know your ending was correct. Whew. You know what I mean.

Anyways, maybe that's what they are after. They want to be "different" from other indie films. Arkays. But I think I watched an indie short film similar to this one before. So it also has a movie-in-a-movie kind of theme. It's about college students who want to shoot an indie film in the slums but were faced with the reality of such places. The only difference is, ABSST has Eugene Domingo, Kean Cipriano, JM de Guzman, and Cai (I forgot her last name).

But all throughout the movie, I was thankful I was a Communication student. I understood technical terms for film prod. Hoho. Thanks, teachers. I learned something. :)

T O M O R R O W

is the day I fear about today.

Anyways, in some weird twist of the universe, I think I'm pretty much lucky.

I can get away with anything.

At least, I'd like to think that.

Too early, but yeah, good night. :)

Will talk more tomorrow

Empty mailbox

Wo bu shiang ni

 :(((((((((((((

Because you can understand Chinese

One day millionaire

I think I should stop this bad habit. Everytime I'd get my salary for a month, I would spend it all on things I don't need. Today, I bought clothes and shoes, which I rationalized as a "need" but when I got home, I realized they're just wants.

I told myself I had to save up if I seriously want to look for a job. I need to travel to Manila for interviews and applications so I know I would spend a lot of money on that. However, I failed myself again. All my money is almost spent. Sad face.

However, I realized one thing today. Before, when I buy clothes, I don't need to fit them on because I already know by sight which one fits me. Today, I had to try on several sizes because I am no longer my old size. Dang. I seriously need to lose my unhealthy sleeping pattern and get on a regular exercise routine.

I'll start tonight. I promise myself I'll sleep at exactly 12mn. I'd wake up at 7 or 8 in the morning and exercise. I won't do it for vanity, I'd do it because it's healthy. Well, okay, maybe a bit of vanity. The dress I bought today is kinda too tight and I am planning to wear that if ever I get chosen in my town's Gawad Parangal for college graduates. I hope I get chosen! I don't want that dress wasted. Lol. Jk.

The language of loss

I almost had you.

Almost.

When a girl says "I'm happy for you" 

most of the time she doesn't mean it. 

What she's trying to say is 

"Why did you choose her over me?"

O, gets mo na.

WHAT I FEEL FOR YOU RIGHT NOW
is the same as what I felt the first time I met you.


A few days ago, I was wandering on the net and found Joel Madden's tumblr. I found it amazing how he's still so much in love with his wife, Nicole Richie, even after having two kids. He would post his wife's pic and say "Humble brag: That's my wife. I'm in love."

Aww.I want a man like that. Someone who'll post my pic on his tumblr and express how much he loves me. I want my own Joel Madden. Well, with lesser tattoos maybe. :)

#Justsaying

On my way to having dinner with my friends, I saw how awful people treat other people. Especially those people whom we consider underdogs in the society. It wasn't a sight to see. If I could, I would have done something. Maybe to slap them on the face or something. But you know me, I'm the blending-in kind of person. I only participate through my thoughts.

So while I was waiting for a tricycle, I saw two kids riding bicycles. They made fun of this mentally challenged person in my community. She's roaming around the streets with dirty clothes, talking to herself. Ten summers ago, this girl was someone I used to play with. But things happened, I don't know what, she suddenly lost her sanity. I felt a tinge of pain while I watched the kids made fun of her. I tried to shoo the kids off. They went away, but I know for sure that they would come back once I'm gone.

While I was sitting inside the jeepney, there's this obese guy who sat across me. His classmates made fun of him, too. They said the jeep was already "tagilid" because of his weight. I felt bad for him. He gave them the dirty finger but they kept on making fun of him. Today, I watched Kung Fu Panda. I remembered Master Shifu and Panda's dialogue on how it was hard for Panda to be him everyday of his life. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought, perhaps, he also felt that way. If I were as hot as Cameron Diaz, I would have helped this guy turn his fate around. I'll do something cool like pretend I'm that guy's girlfriend like Cameron Diaz gave her bra to a bullied student in Bad Teacher.

But then, we passed through a Catholic Church, and then the guy sitting next to the obese guy made the sign of the cross. The obese guy made a "Psssh" sound to mock his religious classmate. Awful. I am not Catholic, but I respect everyone's religion. I actually am struggling spiritually right now, but I still respect those who believe in their own gods.

This made me think that the cycle for mockery just goes on and on if we are rude to one person. He would just pass on the mockery until he finds satisfaction on hurting someone for doing something or just simply being the way he is.

I don't really care much about people's appearance, or belief, or sexual orientation, or whatever. I just dislike judging people based on how they are. I mean, who am I to judge? No one is greater or lesser than the other--we have no right to boast of anything, really. I wish people would think that.

But having people believe in my code of morals is maybe similar to making them be like me. So, whatevs. You do what you want. This whole entry is tagged as #justsaying.

That hateful moment when everyone said you look great today, then there's that one person who would rain on your parade and say something stupid like "You look fat".

Gee. Thanks a lot.

Ta-dah! Like I promised, my bangs ala kitchen shears. Hoho. That is not my all time best shot but it's the best I got from the other 23542 pictures I took of myself. Gah. I hate self portraits on cellphones. >.<

Fugleeey. I need someone to re-do my hair. For free. Hoho. I'm broke as hell.

I want your hair

I saw this picture today. Her hair is so amazing, I was inspired to cut my own hair! Haha. I was a bit scared that I might cut my bangs too short, so I settled on a side swept one. I want to cut them that short, but I am afraid I might regret it afterward. If I would be well decided tomorrow, I might cut them to that length. :)

If I look good tomorrow, I might take a photo. If not, then you know. 

I wonder how many times an average person lies on a job interview.

I had my first job interview today. Well, not really first. Because I already had experienced it a few times before. I don't know, I just have bad memories of interviews. Like when I was interviewed for my online job, I kept on saying "My nerves got the best of me, sorry." For my internship, my boss gave me a feedback that he didn't want to hire me initially because I didn't have an edgy personality and seemed uninterested. For my summer job, I was crying while telling the allegedly dramatic story of my life. But somehow, I got all those jobs from my sucky interviews. Yes, I am lucky.

I pushed my luck on this one, though. I probably won't get the job. I was given a tip not to say "Yes, I can do it" all the time. But I still nodded my head like a clueless puppy on all the interviewer's questions. "Yes, I can adjust." "Yes, I would try my best." "Yes, I can learn." But in the back of my head, I was asking myself questions like "Can I really adjust? Will I really do my best? Will I learn to do that?"

The funnier thing is, I discovered today that I have a talent in rapping. I was asked to introduce myself and I said something like "IamCyreneIamagraduatefromtheUniversityofthePhilippinesLosBanoswithadegreeinDevelopmentCommunicationblahblahblah." HAHAHAHAHA. When I think about it, it makes me kinda laugh at myself.

Next week, I'm going to try and look for other job opportunities. Hopefully, my feet would turn warmer. I don't wanna get nervous again and do a free rap performance! Lol.