Thursday, April 28, 2011

First day at "work"

I almost fell off my chair when Kuya Mike, my boss, arrived home early in the morning. I totally forgot about what we talked about last night--him hiring me as a researcher slash lay out artist. I forgot I agreed to the employment that I stayed up at 5am, meaning I only had three hours of sleep today. I never experienced that when I was a student!

We talked about the tasks he needed me to finish over coffee. I haven't brushed my hair nor washed my face, but I did brush my teeth (lol). Good thing my job was home-based, that I actually wasn't that late for office at 8am yet. And I can do other stuff while actually working.

But even when I stayed home for work, I did feel like I'm in an actual office. Kuya Mike brought along another "writer" and "lay out artist" like me. It's weird because we were trained to work in pairs, groups, and even classes but it's really different when it's someone else. I've never felt "clashing of ideas" as real as this. True enough, different individuals exists in the world.

But good thing, I learned something about weeds due to the "extensive" research on natural farming. Weeds aren't supposed to be pulled out because every plant has its own purpose in existing. I feel the same way. Today, I may seem like I don't have much value, but I know there's a purpose why I exist. Recently, I realized how God has given me these two amazing hands. If you would ask me what my greatest asset is, it'll probably be my these pair. Not because I have smooth hands and long fingers, but because they enable me to create the things I love. I can do nail arts, to paintings, to graphics in PS. I can do those all day. Everytime someone asks me to do a tarpaulin, invitation, or shirt design, it gives me much joy that I think I owe them in asking me to do it for them. So I'm thinking that regardless of what other people might think, may it be my boss or my co-worker, I'll continue doing what I love doing.

So, yeah.

Maaaaaaan, I still cringe everytime I say the word "work".

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Graduation in detail

I wanted my graduation to be a perfect memory to remember, so I focused even on the littlest details of everything. I used to worry about things like getting a dress that would look exactly as another's or falling off the stage due to the wrong pair of shoes. I worried on those things that I forgot looking at the even greater picture.

If you will be graduating soon, here are some of the things I learned from yesterday and might helped you in one of the most memorable yet dreadful day of your life:

1. NEVER WEAR HIGH HEELS unless you've been used to wearing it your whole life. We waited in line for the program to start for more than an hour. When it started, we waited for all the graduates, faculty, and guests to finally arrive before we can finally sit down for ten seconds! Man, that was really hard. I swear my feet almost died.

2. DON'T LET ANYTHING RUIN YOUR DAY. You see, I have been growing my hair for the last few months just so I can have long soft curls for graduation. But I didn't get what I wanted. My mom and I had been arguing about going to the salon or having someone come over our house to fix me up. I knew she just wanted the beautician to come over but she's giving me that, "Ikaw, ikaw ang bahala." That's probably the worst thing someone has to say because I know that it'll eventually backfire into me. And what do I usually do? I would normally reply, "Sige kung ano nalang gusto mo, wala na akong pakialam." When, actually, I knew right then that my hair would grow nuts.

That beautician made two of my cousins hair during their graduation. Guess what, they looked the same. I told my mom, I don't want a hair like that cause it's honestly very ugly. But my mom said, "No, we can just tell her what to do and she'll know how to do it." So I was okay about it. But the moment that that beautician get the curlers out of my hair, it grew shoulder length. That's how curly it is!

My hair is this long when it is in it's natural form. When I curl it myself, it usually is this long:


See, not much has changed, right? But when that beautician laid her hands on my hair, it looked like this:


Too  bad I don't know how to rotate it. 

I swear I'm still throwing tantrums now whenever I'm reminded of how awful my hair looked. If I had time, I swear, I could have washed my hair with how my normal hair would look. Right now, I would really kill that B!

I'm sorry. That's a bad thing to say, but it really ruined my day. I wish I'd just go with my guts and fix my hair myself. I wish I'd never let my phlegmatic succumb to my mom's manipulative words. ARGGGGGHHHH! 

But for you, never let that happen. Don't let a thing as small as this ruin the most-awaited day of your uni life. Because I threw tantrums, we left the security pass at home and my dad had to return home to get them. I cried in front of my classmates about this and it ruined my already ugly make-up. It's not a very good memory you know.

But the only thing that salvaged me from this bad thought is the fact that my ex-crush came over and congratulated me. Thank God he didn't say anything about having a bad hair day! :)

3. BE PREPARED FOR EVERYTHING. Not just for the University Marshall's instructions, but in everything. Lucky me, I suddenly had my period during the ceremony. That's something to remember, though. Graduates couldn't get out of the grounds unless the graduation is over. I texted my mom and dad with the two pesos left on my phone's credits. They responded two hours later.

So, may you be a guy or a girl, be prepared for everything. And I mean everything.

4. TREASURE EVERY MOMENT OF IT. You don't graduate everyday so might as well focus all your energies into it. I never did. My head was headbanging from the first few lines of our speaker's message. His not that bad, I just think it'll keep me awake if he'd just tell us how bright is the future waiting for us.

I think graduation is the perfect time for flowery words. We don't need to hear about good citizenship or whatever. We are graduates facing the uncertainties out there. Maybe it would have been better if speakers would talk about how to get through those uncertainties alive.

I was awaken by the clapping of my fellow graduates. The stranger sitting next to me said, "Buti nalang ate gising ka na." I was embarrassed. Maybe his purpose in life was to embarrass me more, because after a few moments he's already instructing me to sit down or whatever, as if he's my Personal Marshall. I hate that guy.

But good thing there's another guy who made me really happy this day. My favorite photographer, Kuya Gani, went to our graduation just like he promised. He looked for us, IRRI kids, one by one and gave us this very beautiful bracelet. 

He said he specifically looked for the bracelet with "luntian" and "pula" beads. Haha. :)

4. HUG AND GREET EVERYONE because this might be the last time that you can actually could. I never cried during my graduation in high school. I never cried during the graduation rites. But I almost cried when everyone started hugging each other as if they were bidding goodbyes. Honestly, it's sinking into me now. When will be the next time I'll see these friends? They'll go back to their hometown and the chance of me meeting them again would be very low now. I wish I'd never lose them.



My graduation didn't go the way I imagined it (I really hate my hair). But it's good all the same. I guess what matters most is that I'm on the new chapter of my life now. I met great people and experienced a good deal of things. I'll miss being a student. I'll miss everything about LB. If I could turn back time, I probably would. But probably not, because I already had this rare chance of keeping these memories with me for the rest of my life.

I LOVE YOU FRIENDS, I'LL MISS YOU ALL! :)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Graduation!

The day I dreamed of beginning from the first day of class finally arrived. It hasn't sunk into me yet since my feet hurts so baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. I just wanna say that I'm happy! And I'm officially unemployed now! ;)

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Eat, Pray, Love...and Sleep

Usually, my family on the paternal side spend the Holy Week together doing some supposedly fun fun fun day. I don't know if it's a good thing, but I spent the last twenty fours hours pigging myself out. All I did was eat and sleep. I didn't wanna go swimming and get a darker complexion than I already have especially that graduation is just a few nights sleep.

The whole time I was there, I was thinking about home. Recently, I've been enjoying my time at home more than ever. It's not that I don't like being with my family, I'm actually a very family-oriented person. My roommates, who are also my female cousins, were teasing me about being too tired the whole time. I practically slept through the day and night. Maybe I was really too tired.

But I'm back home now, and I can't think of anything but sleeping again. I don't know if I'm the only person like this, but I can stay up until early in the morning and wake up at 8am but wouldn't feel sleepy at all. BUT, if you let me sleep at, say 10pm or 12mn and make me wake up at 5am, I would feel sleepy the whole day. My body clock's too messed up.

Too bad I can't sleep this early yet. I still have things to do that I put off for this trip. I have to do this shirt design for a local pageant which was due yesterday. Haha. Lazy me. I do hope there are "pageant brushes" that could be easily downloaded on the net for the ease of my work. AND I have to look for some old psd files from last semester's class. Thinking about these things already makes me feel tired. Sigh.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Guilty Pleasure

My palm is itching but it ain't mean I'm gonna get some dough.

Three days ago, I accompanied my brother on his summer job orientation. After the hot, dreadful afternoon that we had to go through, we indulged ourselves in the very tempting world of street foods. I know it's not good for me, being hospitalized several times due to food-related diseases. But I can't help it. It's just so so good.

So we saw sticks of round deep-fried chicken balls but not the normal ones. They're actually made from real chicken skin which take their tastiness to a whole new notch. Plus! They're only sold for a peso each. So, we tried eating a stick for one peso and decided to go. But after leaving a few steps from the stall, we found ourselves eating some more.

And now I have to pay for the consequences of my guilty pleasure. My palms are so itchy due to skin allergies. I hope it won't get ay worse than it already is...especially in this heat! This is too much to bear.

I'll never eat street food eveeerrrrrr.

Well, until my allergies how subsided. :)

My Earnest Prayer

Holy week is probably my least favorite holiday of all time. I don't know, it makes me feel that things aren't what they're supposed to be. Like for example, the television shows would all be canceled. Business establishments would close and so on. It also makes me feel that we could only stand holiness for a week, which is quite strange if you ask me.

Today, I had to go to church to attend a special service for the occasion. I can remember sitting with our Pastor and our Elders a week ago to plan the said event. Our Pastor suggested that we should do an activity that could remind us of God's goodness in our lives by letting his own Son die on the Cross. He said we should put up a Cross and nail our sins to it. My dad, being both an Elder of the Church and a comedian said, "Hindi ho kaya Pastor after three days ay mabuhay ulit ang kasalanan pagkapako sa krus?" I found it amusing and funny at the same time. The logic is true.

However, the atmosphere at church today was very different. We held the service in our Church grounds. Despite the many mosquitoes around, we managed to still focus on the Word of God. Like what our Pastor said, "Mosquito bites are nothing when compared to sufferings Christ had to go through". We were asked to list down our weaknesses and sins and afterwards make a commitment to overcome those. I wrote a number of sins and weaknesses I had, and one of them is my faltering faith.

All throughout the service, I was earnestly asking God to renew my heart. I don't remember the last time I read a Bible or prayed like a friend to the Lord. I was too embarrassed to say that, but I know that I have to confess this one in order to overcome it. I feel shy to ask for help even from my parents. But the fact that here I am, publicly writing about it is already a huge step.

One of my all time favorite song goes, "You're faith was strong but you needed proof." That's exactly the definition of faith that I have now. I need to see to believe when faith is supposed to be believing in the unseen.

I'll be spending my Saturday and Sunday with my family. On Palm Sunday, we'll be having a sunrise service at our Church as usual. I hope that God would hear my earnest prayers. Right now, I feel like a soulless person and I don't want this to go on anymore. :'(

Friday, April 22, 2011

Before I sleep tonight

Have you ever had that experience when you wanted to wake up so bad but it felt as if there were chains strapped both on your hands and feet? I had. And it had been occurring more and more by the day.

My aunt told me that she also experienced these things when she turned eighteen, same as an older cousin I have. But I think they grew out of it already. In my case, it still hasn't gone away even if I'm way passed 18. Two days ago, I took a nap. I slept on one of the long chairs we have at home while my brother sat across me doing something in his computer. In the middle of my sleep, I wanted to wake up but I just couldn't force myself to. I grappled with myself but it was no use--something's keeping me from waking up.

I tried making sounds so my brother could hear me, but it seemed that he never did. It's like I'm locked up inside a really dark place with no hope of coming out. It was scary. And it didn't happen to me just once.

When I finally gave in to the darkness covering me, I slowly got back to reality. Thankfully, I survived that nightmare. I asked my brother if I was making these sounds and he said he heard me, but he thought I was just dreaming.

I could have died. 

Before I close my eyes to sleep tonight, I'll consider it as my last. And if tonight's my last waking moment, I'd like to say thank you to everyone who had been a part of life. If ever I did something wrong, I am sorry for what I did.

Emo much? But no, I don't want to regret anything if this is my one last chance.

So, good night. 

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Feeling special

Today, I realized that I am a true blue home body. Just the thought of stepping out of the house makes me feel lazy. But I had to go out buy something for graduation, so I didn't really had much choice.

I went with my mom today, and as far as I could remember, this is the first time in four years that I went shopping with her. I started buying clothes for myself when I was in elementary, so it felt kinda weird today. But hey, it's my graduation, so it's as important to my parents.

I'm also not used to my mom being so you-can-buy-what-you-want. Normally, I buy clothes out of my own money that I kinda feel guilty asking them to buy me stuffs today. See, among all the aspects of life, my parents see education as the most important. They would never give me things during Christmas, nor my birthday. They always give me what I want when I accomplish something at school, all the more now that I graduate from college.

But what happens to me now that I'll be out of school starting on 27th? Lol. I could never be special again.

Well, unless, I study MS. :)

The other side of the story

When you hear other people's side of the story, it widens your perspective. How could I just knew that today? :|

Maybe I need to look deeply into things rather than just focusing on how I perceive them.

I used to hate this girl who always thought that things around her happened because of her. I'm starting to think that I hate her because I'm also like her. Lately, I'm seeing things in her eyes. I thought I was special.

Well, maybe I'm really not.

I thought I'd crush you to pieces, but it was the other way around. But it's good, I've always been strong. It wouldn't take very long until I forget. Now, I know the reason why I got such bad memory. Pain is much easier, easier to bear.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

My head thinks faster than my fingers

I didn't do much today, but gosh, I feel tired. Could be the hot weather, could be the emotional turmoil I'm going through. Lol, that sounded too dramatic, ain't it?

I spent my day unproductively again, but good thing I harvested much learnings. I started my day with my mom waking me up at 8am and it's not even a school day. She wanted me to accompany her to the bank for the loan she made, only to found out that she scheduled the release tomorrow morning. Argh, bring back my wasted hours. :(

I was head banging all through the hour I spent waiting for our number to be called. The times I was awake, I spent doing what I do best--observe. And thanks to my undergrad thesis, people's faces became really familiar to me. I saw two of my respondents, although I doubt it if they recognize me. I was also half-hiding myself, because I wasn't really in the mood to socialize.

There's this person who sure is a stand-out from the rest. See, I studied the effects of celebrity-endorsed ads on mothers' preference on milk brands. She kept on insisting that she has a pediatrician and she didn't rely on celebs and ads whatsoever. I was assuming that her family's one of the well-to-do ones in our little town. But surprisingly, she was in line with us in the bank loan. But since she's a cut from the rest, she spoke in English to her daughter in a real loud voice. Why? I don't really know. Was it because she's rich? Was it because she's educated? Was it because she wants to shove in our face that she's different from us?

Maybe. But I'll bet it has something to do with her kid being 'different' from normal kids. I don't know why she did those crazy things, but it's not really impressive. Maybe she doesn't want people to look down on her because of her kid's condition, but it makes me think that it makes their situation worse. Pretending like you're someone you're not won't compensate for the weaknesses you have.

Or maybe I'm just really on emotional turmoil.

Today, I finally did something I've been putting off for days. I used to think to myself that I can do photo-editing and lay out all day without getting tired of it, but I was wrong. I had to force myself to do it today. But it ended out great, and I felt good again. And I realized that it's so much easier to use the magic wand when the picture is raw rather than edited. See, I have to put two pics side by side and the other one was already edited when given to me. Surprisingly, the edges of the edited picture was too straight that if you miss the line, it would be too obvious. The raw picture came out well, though. AND, for typographers out there, there are not a lot of graduation fonts yet. And Helvetica comes for a price. :'(

Wow, talking about that actually made me feel better. Hihi. :))

I'm starting to think that I'm going back to my rebellious stage. My mother told me so, too. Ack. Maybe these are graduation blues. Officially unemployed here! Gossh. I need a job.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Instability

I'm having a personal struggle these days. It could be that stress is crawling out of me due to the life transition that I'll be experiencing in a few days. Lately, my patience had been shorter than usual. If I were emotionally unstable before, I became all the more unstable these days.

Good thing my parents keep up with all my dramas. Today, I had an argument with my Dad. It was petty, but I cried myself to sleep just to forget it. Ugh. I feel totally uncomfortable in my own skin. Y.Y

Friday, April 15, 2011

Stawberries Forever

Today's the start of my bum days. I still have two weeks before my graduation ceremony so that means I have lots of free time to waste. Or be productive in.

Some of my friends have already gone out searching for jobs, but I don't know why but I'm still not "feeling" it. I think I still need a lot of catching up with sleep and eating that I had to stay bum for a couple of weeks more. So for my first day, I woke up at 10am, took a bath, ate lunch, got my toga for grad, went to a tiangge, and tried manicuring my nails.

Yes. I did try putting on nail polish myself.  So a week ago, I saw this featured video in Youtube on a How-to on strawberry designed nails. See, I'm the kind of girl who likes clean and simple looking nails, but I simply couldn't resist trying this design on. Being a total fan of strawberries, I immediately clicked the link and watched it. To my amazement, the tutorial looked so easy and so cute that I decided to buy myself red, green, and white nail polish.

So, I followed every step instructed in the video. I really thought I could pull off designing my nails easily since I've tried painting and drawing several times. But nails are a different issue. Mine completely looked like a mess!







Sorry for the poor quality of photo! :)

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Back to where I started

I am an inconsistent writer. Many times I tried starting a blog site, only to close it down the next few minutes. But I do love writing; the problem is I gradually grown scared of it throughout college. Quite insane, huh? Me being a communication student. But I'd like to think that maybe (just maybe) it's high time I go back to what I really loved--writing.

I know many people would argue, but I feel old at twenty. Not in a negative way, though. As much as possible, I want to embrace aging with my two arms stretched. Part of the reasoning why I started blogging again is that I want to remember. I have a memory as stable as a cheesecake and when I'm 80, I want to go back to what I went through.

But I'm still twenty now and i am looking forward to writing the life that's waiting for me out there. :)