My Earnest Prayer

Holy week is probably my least favorite holiday of all time. I don't know, it makes me feel that things aren't what they're supposed to be. Like for example, the television shows would all be canceled. Business establishments would close and so on. It also makes me feel that we could only stand holiness for a week, which is quite strange if you ask me.

Today, I had to go to church to attend a special service for the occasion. I can remember sitting with our Pastor and our Elders a week ago to plan the said event. Our Pastor suggested that we should do an activity that could remind us of God's goodness in our lives by letting his own Son die on the Cross. He said we should put up a Cross and nail our sins to it. My dad, being both an Elder of the Church and a comedian said, "Hindi ho kaya Pastor after three days ay mabuhay ulit ang kasalanan pagkapako sa krus?" I found it amusing and funny at the same time. The logic is true.

However, the atmosphere at church today was very different. We held the service in our Church grounds. Despite the many mosquitoes around, we managed to still focus on the Word of God. Like what our Pastor said, "Mosquito bites are nothing when compared to sufferings Christ had to go through". We were asked to list down our weaknesses and sins and afterwards make a commitment to overcome those. I wrote a number of sins and weaknesses I had, and one of them is my faltering faith.

All throughout the service, I was earnestly asking God to renew my heart. I don't remember the last time I read a Bible or prayed like a friend to the Lord. I was too embarrassed to say that, but I know that I have to confess this one in order to overcome it. I feel shy to ask for help even from my parents. But the fact that here I am, publicly writing about it is already a huge step.

One of my all time favorite song goes, "You're faith was strong but you needed proof." That's exactly the definition of faith that I have now. I need to see to believe when faith is supposed to be believing in the unseen.

I'll be spending my Saturday and Sunday with my family. On Palm Sunday, we'll be having a sunrise service at our Church as usual. I hope that God would hear my earnest prayers. Right now, I feel like a soulless person and I don't want this to go on anymore. :'(