Friday, October 23, 2009

This is the first step.


I've never written a blog in a very long time. I don't know if I'm trying to run away from it when I actually wanted to go back to it, or if that was my way of letting go. Maybe writing isn't really for me after all.

A friend asked me why I'm not writing anything anymore, and I told her that I've grown tired of it. Maybe I felt more depressed that I could not even write what I'm actually feeling. Honestly, I've disappointed myself way too much that all I can do is throw everything away in an instant. I've even come up with an almost valid reason--I don't major in Journalism, it won't help me that much.

So many times I struggled just to fill this empty box. Just when I thought I had it again, I'd erase several paragraphs I've already written and hit the red button with an X on it.

But tonight, I decided to try to make the pieces fit again. Writing is a part of me, and even when I try to run from it over and over again, I'll still come back at any cost. Maybe my writing-phobia is over. Really, I want it to be over.

Maybe, I'm just like those accident patients that needed to be rehabilitated first before having their normal lives back. That's what I'm doing tonight--I'll go through my own rehabilitation process and take my normal life back.

And. This is the first step.



xo xai

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Sembreak!




I'm doing nothing.
BUT I'VE NEVER FELT

MORE PRODUCTIVE
MY WHOLE LIFE!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Four macho men? You're nothing when compared to Him!



I have three words for ya.
GOD IS GREAT!

No, it's not just three words. He is powerful, wonderful, awesome! He's indescribable!

Grabe. I'm not deserving of this, but He protected me from total harm.

I was on my way home, riding this San Pablo jeep, when suddenly four macho men boarded the said jeepney. Honestly, I was terrified because they look like they're going to harass anyone, anytime. I hated myself for wearing shorts, and for being seated in between two of them.

I don't know what happened next, but the four macho men suddenly hopped out of the jeepney. Moments later, some of the passengers realized that some of their belongings were gone.I was like, "my vintage phone!" I checked my bag, and there it was, lying safely on my bag packet. Then I checked my things and they were all there.

AMAZING! Siguro they couldn't find anything that's of value sa akin. Nonetheless, I felt that God was there protecting me. God, you never fail to amaze me!

xo xai

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Watch out for us on Thai TV!



I asked my teacher her wish for her birthday today, She bluntly said, "I just want this semester to end." My birthday's in a month, but I'm also wishing the same thing. Ugh. Three more weeks. Three more weeks of torture.

I know I've been talking about school non-stop. I can't help it! It's what I do 24/7. It's just weird that even though I think I'm doing the best I can, it's still not good enough. I don't know what's happening, but my luck seems to be running out. I'm failing most of my exams, I'm handing in requirements just for the sake of it, and I need a moral recovery program to wake me up on most of my classes. This semester is really very terrible for me. As if that's not yet enough, I'm also turning out to be a terrible human being.

Okay. I've pulled myself down way too much there.

Anyway, today at my DEVC 80 class, the Thai TV went and covered a part of our class. It's really funny because we have to "act naturally." I really doubt what that means, because all of us were acting too bibo, too pa-cute and too conscious. I wonder how funny we looked there.

My gosh, odd things really happen in DEVC 80. Ha ha.



xo xai

Monday, September 21, 2009

Did you see me on TV?


We had a studio tour in GMA-7 last Thursday. :)
Can't believe I'll say this, but I enjoyed it! Haha.


We saw Mike Enriquez and he's much taller than I thought he was.
He's also very funny.
BUT I was a bit more starstruck with Mr. Joel Reyes Zobel.
Haha. I think he's hot.

He looked like he was fresh from his morning jog.
And he has earrings! Haha.
Plus he looks Korean.

I was the first to enter the studio and I was like,
"Why is there a Korean here?"
Pinoy pala.

AT partner ni Mike.

I really have little knowledge in the industry.



I'm probably more suited to be a die-hard fan. Haha.

My classmate in Hum 2 asked me if I was on Sis the next day after the trip.
Can you imagine how embarrassed I was?
LOL.

It's funny that people saw me, but it's also a bit embarrassing.
Haha. They saw me clapping enthusiastically to Yaya and Angelina.
They're funny pala when you see them live.

I know, I know.
I'm not the best photographer around, so..
Apologies to the Kapuso artists.

Haha, Tingnan niyo naman ang kuha ni Faye:

She really can be Jenica's official photographer. Haha





xxoo xai


Thursday, September 17, 2009

If lying is a crime, then I'm guilty.



I hate people who constantly lie just to get their way.
I hate people who make stories up just to save themselves from pit holes of shame.
I hate people who tell lies just to cover up their mistakes.

I hate people who lie.


That's why I'm so sick of myself now.






Mama and Papa, I'm sorry I lied.

Miki, I'm sorry I made you wait for me.

DEVC 70 groupmates, I'm sorry I used you as an alibi.




I won't lie again.
My guilt is killing me.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

SULAT



Dear Abog,

Kamusta ka na? Isang taon na din pala ang nakalipas nung huli tayong magkita. Ang bilis ng panahon! Grabe, di ko manlang namalayan. Para bang panaginip lang.

Ngayon na lang uli ako nakasulat sayo. Natatandaan mo ba nun? Sinusulatan kita ng kung anu-ano. Ha ha. Parang napaka-senseless pa ng mga sinasabi ko. Noong isang araw kasi nag-aayos ang lola mo ng gamit mo, tapos nakita niya yung sulat ko sayo! Nakakatawa. Hindi ko na kasi yun naaalala. Tapos sobrang nabigla ako na kung anu-ano palang walang katuturan ang pinagsasabi ko.

Hoy, sana nandito ka pa. Kung kailan naman lumipat na kami dito saka ka naman umalis. Alam mo bang miss na miss na kita? Di ba dati pag summer tapos nagbabakasyon ako sa inyo, sasabihin ng ina mo, "malalakihan mo pa ang ninang mo!" Ang daya mo nga kasi naunahan mo pa akong magka-boyfriend. Tsk.

Naaalala ko pa noon, sinasamahan mo akong magpunta kahit saan ko maisipang magpunta kahit katanghaliang tapat! Ngayon pag wala akong makasama, syempre mag-isa nalang ako. Hay, lalo tuloy kitang namiss.

Ha ha. Wala lang. Bigla ko lang naalala yung mga kaibigan mo. Di ba mahilig kayong magsayaw? Siguro kung nandito ka pa, sasayawin mo yung Nobody ng Wondergirls. Oo nga pala, di ko to nasabi sayo dati pero bigla ko lang naalala. May atraso ka nga pala sakin. Di ba dati naglalaro kayo ng kaibigan mo, tapos sabi niya "Uy, Abog, ang ganda ng ninang mo no?!" Tapos sabi mo ba naman, "Eh? Hindi ah!" Nasaktan ako nun, alam mo ba? Ha ha. Di, joke lang. :D

Alam mo ba, abalang-abala na sila ngayon. Nandito silang lahat para sayo. Nakakalungkot lang kasi, ikaw ang wala.

Sana hindi mo kami agad iniwan. Pero siguro nga ito na rin ang dapat. Sobrang masakit na wala ka na dito. Hindi ko nga alam kung paano ako titigil sa pag-iyak. Akala ko, okay na ako na wala ka na. Yun pala hindi pa rin. Para bang sa isang taon na nawala ka, lalong sumasakit.

Alam kong okay ka na dyan ngayon.



Sana kami rin maging okay na dito.


-Ninang Cy

Friday, September 11, 2009

Fire like you've never seen before.


I've grown tired of uploading videos.
LOL. It's too tiring to wait for the upload to finish.
Embedding's a lot easier. :)

Anyway, thanks Hannah for informing me about this vid.
This is too funny! Ha ha.
I've never laughed like this in a long time.
Ha ha.

-xo xai





Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Hang on.

message to self:
HANG ON.
It's almost over.




I really should be doing my prototype right now for DEVC 141, but I haven't
gathered enough self-will yet.
I've no idea where to start.

If you happen to have a map on how to live life,
can you hand me one?
Sigh.

I feel specially screwed today. Not only would I not pass my DEVC 80 exam,
I dug a hole for my friend as well.
I'm such a bad influence. Sigh.

I slept in STAT 1 the whole time that I barely realized that the class was finished.
I am developing that very bad habit of sleeping in class.
It's not only embarrassing, I also did not learn
anything today. Sigh.

I arrived at my first class today so late,
the teacher only had time to dismiss the class.
AND I still had the guts to sign the attendance.
Sigh.

I need to take a good grip of myself before it's too late.
Hang on, Xai, it's almost over.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

You can't run a race that's not meant for you.

"Shoot for the stars, kid. Don't let nobody put you down."

This is very sad and heartbreaking. I needed a good laugh tonight and I saw this video on youtube being the most popular in the comedy category. Tell me I'm weird. I really don't get the humor in this.



You made yourself a failure.



It could happen anywhere, but not in Devcom.

I'm not being biased or anything, but our college is really different from most of the buildings in UPLB. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bragging. Really. Even if I don't belong to the college, I'd still say it's cleaner than most of the buildings in the university.

It's just really disappointing that starting today, the thin line that separates us from those other buildings is slowly fading.

For the three years that I stayed in CDC, this was my first time seeing a vandal on a table. If you happen to pass by CDC Annex 3, you would see this written on the white table near the windows in the third row.



I don't know, this just don't usually happen in DevCom. Not because we're implementing strict laws on vandalism, but because we simply just don't do it. I just can't understand why this person had to write his/her motivation on the table.

Whoever is responsible for doing this, you already failed.

I'm sorry to say but I already talked to all your teachers. You're caught on the hidden surveillance camera in CDC. I am not sure if they'll pursue their plan of kicking you out, but I definitely wish they will.










I hope I scared you vandalizer. Haha.


xo xai the anti-vanlizer (lol)


Friday, September 4, 2009

Can't have too much happiness in a day



Today, we didn't have a class in Humanities 2 but we still accumulated the whole hour and a half. Why? Because my stubborn classmates are acting like a bunch of freshmen waiting for my teacher to arrive.

This is the first time I ever saw students not complying to the if-1/3-of-the-time-and-the-teacher's-not-here-then-you're-free-to-go rule. I mean it's legal and it's what the university rule says but they refused to follow it. Tsk, such hard-headed kids.

BUT I'm happy my classmates were born stubborn (yey, rhyming). I had the chance to bond with them and play Ping Pong Pang! Haha. I bet you don't know that game. Try it--really, you must! Haha.


First time with him.



Yes. Today was my first time..with him. I don't really know if I should write about this 'cause it feels really awkward and weird. I know any normal human being wouldn't post this on his or her blog, but I guess I'm not that normal--so, I'm an exemption. I know I should take this moment or else I might regret this for the rest of my life. I know that If I wouldn't grab this chance, all the great memories I hold on today would be gone tomorrow. It would never be the same, I know.

I planned this day for a very long time already. I wanted to do this, but I was scared. Today, I gathered all the courage I have in my system just to be sure that I would do this. I would never look back this time nor will I run away. I even dressed in my best clothes and tried to look better than my usual days.

I took a deep breath before I entered his room. My hands were shaking and my heart was beating fast. I was struggling to get words out of my mouth but somehow, I managed to speak.

After five minutes, I finally had my plan of GE courses changed. Yes!


xo xai

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Since when did karma matter?


Earlier this day, my friend, Anjo, was complaining about his karma down on Plurk. He was sort of blaming Yna for not opening his account, thus, making his journey to nirvana a bit longer.

When I opened my facebook, I saw my classmate, Nikki, ranting about multiply's new innovation--the chat thinggy. LOL. She said it's an act of desperation.

It's kind of desperate, I agree. But I guess multiply is really determined to bring back the glory it once had. I think it's kind of helpful as well, so I can bug everyone who's online to read my blog, view my photos, and etc., etc. Haha! I just can't tolerate the sound it makes when someone sends you a message and vice versa. Does this thing has a silent mode? LOL.

15 minutes before my tutor lessons, my cousin came over to check on his facebook. He begged me for 5 minutes of internet access. For what? To check if someone bought him in Friends for Sale.

I haven't seen something so sensational and tremendous in my life. My gosh! Life wasn't like this during my time. HAHA.

Joke. To set the records straight, I'm only 18 okay? Not 80. Haha. I just don't understand some things. Maybe I am really weird.

But I have a favor to ask, can you buy me in FFS? Lol. I'm stinkin' cheap. Haha.




Okay. I'm contradicting myself now. I need a lawyer! ;)






Sometimes, life doesn't make sense. So just deal with this blog. haha.



xo xai

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Dear Stoic Creature


Dear Stoic Creature,
Why are you always such in a rush?
You walk so fast, I barely keep up.

Dear Stoic Creature,
You're always looking afar
I don't know what your thoughts are.

Dear Stoic Creature,
You are my shining star,
How I wonder what you are,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.


LOL. LOL. LOL.

Joke lang.




xo xai

Monday, August 31, 2009

You belong with me--not her. (in pictures)





What if you have a hot neighbor who tells you this:


What would you do?

If you ask me the same question,
I'll probably be so tensed I wouldn't know how to react.

Maybe I'll pretend I didn't see him, too.

BUT if I really had to answer, I'll probably write something stupid like:


Lol. Lol. Lol.
The idea just makes me laugh. Ahihi.




Photocredits to: Ms Belay Jhocson for Lucas Till's pic

You belong with me--not her.



Okay, so maybe my Korean addiction is over now. I'm moving onto country music. Hihi.

I was browsing random Youtube videos when I saw this Taylor Swift parody of her song, "You belong with me." I've seen the thumbnail for the video a couple of times before, but something urged me to click on it today.

The girl in the parody looks really freaky with her sharp set of teeth. It's funny 'cause I've always thought that there's something quite different with Taylor's teeth. I don't say she's ugly-- she's actually very pretty--there's just something unlikely about her teeth. Haha! I just don't quite know what's wrong, but I'm sure there's something really wrong about her teeth.

The parody was not very entertaining, but it featured an Asian boy so I was thinking that maybe the original video has one on it, too. So I searched for the real MV and found out that apparently, the parody is not in line with the real one.

And guess what happened next. Haha. I've been watching the video for almost a hundred times as of this time.

The idea for the video is kinda typical, but it's so sweet with the sketchpad and all. And yeah, I sort of have this connection with the song's lyrics! HAHA. So kakakilig. Hihi.

And yeah, before I forget, Lucas Till makes me smile everytime I play the MV. Gosh. He got a smile that could light up this whole town.

xo xai




Standing by, waiting at your back door

All this time how could you not know?
Baby, you belong with me
You belong with me

Sunday, August 30, 2009

A daughter's heartbreak



Tonight, I saw my mom silently crying.

Having such an avoiding personality, situations like this were really difficult for me. I don't know the right words to say, or even the right gesture to make. I don't know how to comfort people, I don't know anything about making all the sadness and frustration disappear. I'm just always a distant, speechless, useless being.

I can still remember when my mom had her first seizure attack a few months ago. It was nearly dawn and there's something in me that's keeping me from having a deep sleep. I was for sure asleep, but in some ways, I was convinced that my mind was left functioning. It all appeared too dreamy for me. My head was up in the clouds, and yet, my senses were so keen.

For some strange reason, the door to my bedroom was half-opened. I can't remember if my eyes were open, but I'm certain that I saw my mother falling down, almost hitting her head at the edge of our kitchen sink. I've no idea how I got beside her in just a matter of seconds, but I was just standing there--not knowing what to do or what to say.

I didn't even touch her, or called for her name. I thought to myself alone, that my mom was dying. My heart was all twisted and yet I can't get my body to come and save her. Or even held her in my embrace.

I called on my father and he immediately rose from bed. He was also crying so hard that it made me think even more that my mother was gone. He instructed me to get some help from our neighbors and I ran all the way out.

Run. That's the best I could do--run away from things just to avoid pain and suffering, run away because I can't help myself and have to get others to fix my own problems.

And that's what I'm doing now. I'm still running away. Running away by writing all of these because I don't have the courage to say it out loud.

Tonight, I saw my mom silently crying. And I don't know the right words to cheer her up. I don't know how to make things better. I wish I could tell her I'd trade anything in the world just to make her hurting stop. I really wish I could.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Sobrang cheesy talaga!



Tonight is the first time that I ever played "bulungan." Lol. And I realized one thing: I'm really slow on picking up things. Hihi.

Other than the seemingly Jurassic years of Nikkos (right spelling?), Moubee, and sige na nga, Anjo's explanation on the games' rules, everything was pretty much fun. I guess I haven't had a good laugh for a very, very long time. This made me realize one more thing: I miss hanging out with my friends so bad.

Hihi. I felt so maalat with all the sobrang-cheesy-talaga lines that we traded for almost half an hour (I'm just making up the time, wasn't really keeping track of it, hihi). But I'm so happy I didn't go home early tonight. And yeah, I'm also glad that I spent my last remaining hundred peso bill for a rocky road frappe.

xo xai

Monday, August 17, 2009

AM I THAT EASY TO READ?




Xai: Meron na kaming headdress for the fashion show. Di ba apat kami nina Yna? Ang gagawin namin, yung four seasons. Hulaan mo kung winter, spring, summer, o fall ako.
Faye: Winter?
Xai: Ang galing! Pano mo nalaman?
Faye: Cold ka kasi.


Lol. Am I heartless?

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Dear Miss Erika Javier, happy birthday. I hope you'll read this. ;)

Simula ngayon, hindi na ako magnanakaw





...ng tingin mula sa'yo.

Ahihi. Ang corny ko. Pero totoo. Promise.





Hihingi na ako ng permiso mo. LOL.








Tinatamad na akong mag-multiply. Sabi sakin ni Bianca, magtumblr nalang daw ako. Mukha nga yong interesting. Pwedeng mag-blog secretly. Kahit ano pwede kong sabihin, without exposing my identity.

Nakakatuwa.

Kaso, napamahal na sa akin ang multiply. Kaso, wala na akong mga kaibigan dito (sobs). Kakaunti nalang. Nabibilang nalang sa kamay.

Ano bang nangyari sa multiply? Bakit ka ba nagkaganito, multiply? I have so much belief in you and yet, you failed me. YOU FAILED ME!




How can I go on hating you when I loved you way too much? Please go back to the way you were and perhaps we can regain what we've lost. You don't have to look better, I liked you the way you were. Can you remember those days, huh? You were so simple then.

Perhaps, in a few days, I'll turn to blogspot or xanga or livejournal and get zero readership. Honestly, there in no one else like you, Multiply. So I'm giving you another chance. Regain your dignity and come to life! Salvage yourself from death, because I've no power to save you. I'm just a silent whisper on a busy street.

Save yourself, please.


xo xai

Friday, August 7, 2009

Ang butas butas na maong






"The media has influenced us so much, it affects our daily lives," said my professor. "Look at what you're wearing now. Pwede namang nakaplain-tshirt lang at butas butas na maong."

Incidentally, that's exactly what I was wearing today in our lecture class.

Hihi. Funny.



Monday, August 3, 2009

The intricacies that hold the world together


Warning: This is pretty boring, so read at your own risk. ;)


I don't have classes every Monday but I am forced to go to school today to watch a documentary on Helvetica (technically, it's 12:01 AM, so yesterday is more correct.)

No, Helvetica isn't a heroine in the Renaissance period, or a faraway town in Greece. But, it made a lot of contributions to the world. In fact, it started the war in Vietnam and it changed different viewpoints of artists from all over the globe. It contains a lot of meanings and interpretations. Some even considered it as a solution to an on-going world problem.

Just so you know, Helvetica is a type.

Type as in typeface. As in font face. As in letters. Yeah, these actual letters you see on screen.

I can't imagine these little types could actually mean so much. I didn't even know that type designers exist! (Did you?)

According to the modernists, Helvetica is the best font there is. They love Helvetica so much that they're almost praising the type.

LOL. I can't stand it anymore! Actually I don't remember anything already. So scratch what I said at the beginning, I can't discuss Helvetica any further!

What I really wanted to say is, even the simplest disregarded thing on earth has a big role that not everyone gives due importance to.

Look closer. You might miss out on your own kind of Helvetica. ;)





xo xai