Friday, October 23, 2009

This is the first step.


I've never written a blog in a very long time. I don't know if I'm trying to run away from it when I actually wanted to go back to it, or if that was my way of letting go. Maybe writing isn't really for me after all.

A friend asked me why I'm not writing anything anymore, and I told her that I've grown tired of it. Maybe I felt more depressed that I could not even write what I'm actually feeling. Honestly, I've disappointed myself way too much that all I can do is throw everything away in an instant. I've even come up with an almost valid reason--I don't major in Journalism, it won't help me that much.

So many times I struggled just to fill this empty box. Just when I thought I had it again, I'd erase several paragraphs I've already written and hit the red button with an X on it.

But tonight, I decided to try to make the pieces fit again. Writing is a part of me, and even when I try to run from it over and over again, I'll still come back at any cost. Maybe my writing-phobia is over. Really, I want it to be over.

Maybe, I'm just like those accident patients that needed to be rehabilitated first before having their normal lives back. That's what I'm doing tonight--I'll go through my own rehabilitation process and take my normal life back.

And. This is the first step.



xo xai
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8 comments:

  1. SPUNKY goes bloggingOctober 23, 2009 at 11:25 PM

    have you taken 120? I have... and there I struggled and even got hit by a realization that I was only fooling myself; that writing isn't my forte and it never has been. But I realized that writing depends on the passion of the person. If one really does have it, then they'll be able to produce good pieces without breaking a sweat. (I realized that hardcore journalism isn't really my "style", that's why I was finding it hard to write).

    That's why I stick to blog entries, because I know I'm not forcing myself to write. Well, scratch that, sometimes I do find myself forcing a blog entry out of my head, but it just doesn't work that way :)

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  2. xai lubiganOctober 23, 2009 at 11:34 PM

    Haha. Thanks Niki--that's really something. :)

    The truth is, this is never really about acad-related writing. I've realized long ago that I'm not meant for hardcore journalism (as you would call it!). Wala lang. It's just a struggle between me and myself. I know writing is my way of expressing, but these days I'm having a problem with it. Nadepress lang ako 'cause I expected too much of myself. Lol. Okay. This is way too vague for you. (Actually I don't get it myself. Haha!)

    Conclusion: I'm crazy! :D

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  3. SPUNKY goes bloggingOctober 23, 2009 at 11:44 PM

    not really vague, believe me. I've done a LOT of non-acad writing (stories- original and fanfiction). All of those were half-baked, and is now cluttering my laptop. You expected too much from yourself?

    Maybe your standards in writing had just gotten higher.

    I don't know if both are the same, but I've seen them as separate reasons.

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  4. xai lubiganOctober 23, 2009 at 11:54 PM

    Lol. I can't say it out loud but it's not like that, believe me. Maybe I'll have the courage to say it when time heals all wounds. :)

    May ganun talaga? Basta. Someday. Somehow. I'll be over this. Yay.

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  5. yna doradoOctober 24, 2009 at 11:39 AM

    right. :) writing is so you xai. hahaha Don't give up, I don't even think you've gotten rusty, sometimes its just hard finding the passion for something you love again. go go! :))

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  6. john adrianoOctober 24, 2009 at 11:59 AM

    go xai:D write away

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  7. xai lubiganOctober 24, 2009 at 12:08 PM

    Thanks Yna. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. xai lubiganOctober 24, 2009 at 12:08 PM

    Thanks Kuya JR! I'm on it! :)

    ReplyDelete

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