Fickle-minded

Sometimes, I can't understand my own self.

I've being going to and fro with the decision regarding my current job. I'm at the state now when I had to decide whether to pursue this career or not. In just a few days, I had to sign a contract that will mark the next six months of my life.

To tell the truth, I've been living in regret everyday of my life. I regret that I didn't pursue a course that I like. I regret that I hid my true self to most of my friends. And more. My dad said that I should just try it for 6 months, then I decide. But that's my whole point. I don't want to waste yet another six months in my life.

Today, I just spent my day waiting for the supervisor for my training. I was actually quite nervous because I have no correct experience with bosses. Most of my bosses were kind of related to me or not physically present or have this sick thing for informalities. So regarding formal bosses, I'm not very used to having that. But my boss today, she's uhm, okay. Although, she's the kind of woman with such powerful aura. The kind I fear most. I don't know, I just feel really intimidated when I see women like that. But she's okay.

The task that I had for today was just to write interview questions for staff with inspiring stories. I remember my student days! But this was different, though. I was expecting that my questions would get rejected or revised, but then, everything got accepted. When I was writing for my Journ classes before, most of my questions needed to be corrected by my instructor. It could be that my writing has gotten better, or I was just plain lucky.

Tomorrow, I had to interview some staff. Normally, I would feel nervous about interviews. But now, I don't feel anything. Maybe because all my questions were approved. Unlike before. Man, when I wrote my survey instrument, I had to revise it 100 times! So this is truly a miracle!

I have a plan. Today, I decided to follow my dreams. Yes, I really would. I would enroll in a short course on graphic design or photography every weekend until my skills become better. Then, I would send an application to an advertising company. Because this is what I really want to do! And I would do it!

No one can hold me back. Not this old town. Or my parents. Not even my own anxious self.

But for now, I have to finish this job training and I'll see what goes from there.

If you have some wise advice, please write them down. :)