"So this is my life. And I want you to know
that I am both happy and sad
and I'm still trying to figure out
how that could be."
-Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
I thought I was half-dreaming when I heard someone's voice from this morning. It was of our landlord's, delivering some--how to say--sad news?
My whole life, we've been moving from one house to another. It was three years ago when we moved back here in my parent's hometown, and now, we're about to leave...again. Before, I couldn't imagine living here. Now, I couldn't imagine leaving it.
My parents said we could opt to go back to our house in the city, since I'm job-hunting and it would be nearer corporate companies I could possibly work in. I lived there my whole life, but somehow, I don't ever wanna return. That place didn't give me bad memories, but living here is so much peaceful and easy. Not very practical and convenient for career growth, but I think this is what I need just now.
I don't know how things don't get any less complicated when one grows old. The truth is, I don't really know what I want. My friends asked me if I'm happy with my life, and I honestly don't know the answer. I am neither happy nor sad. I'm at the state wherein I feel nothing at all. Know what, I just want to sleep. That's the safest place I think I can ever be.
I've seen some people turning to other things when they feel this way. I don't know. I'm just not that kind. I won't say I don't understand people who turn to drugs and alcohol just to get rid of the weird emotions circling around their chest and mind. But I'm not that kind. I have this tendency of isolating myself from people to the point of nihilism. I don't care about anything. It doesn't make me sick. Instead, for some weird reason, it gives me comfort.
Gosh, I'm such a dark cloud. Don't get near me if you don't wanna be rained on. Ktnxbye.
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