Comfort

I figured that unless I get out of this old town, I'll never get a job I really wanted. But wait, that area is still blurry. I still don't know what I wanted.

I used to be the girl with big dreams. Now that reality is in front of me, that image is starting to fade little by little. I used to say, I'm going to be a graphic designer someday in a big advertising company. I still say it, though, but with echoing sounds of doubts and fears now.

I don't believe in myself, that's my problem. And I need constant reaffirmation from people, aside from my parents who have no idea how wrong their image of excellence of me was, that I will do well in life. When I'm all by myself and I am wondering about these things, my chest starts to turn and turn. Why don't I have dreams?

I wish I'm still little. And I can still say, "I wanna be a doctor or a teacher or a police woman" with 100% confidence. My father told me that I should just look for a job now and stay there for like 2 years, then clear my mind on what I want to do. But I think the problem with that is, I might enjoy the comforts of that job that I might be afraid again of leaving.

Haaaa. I don't know. Today, I am going to send my application to another research institution in town. Wow, I really can't leave this place. Anyways, I am truly interested in having a job in that company. Why? Because it's just a few steps away from home. Lol. Really.

So anyways, off I go, "participating" in life. Byesss.