Dying heart

I never imagined lasting a day without coffee. But I did, yesterday. I traded my coffee for choco drinks to see if it has something to do with my apparent "insomnia". But choco drinks didn't do it for me, I still longed for coffee like a chain smoker longed for a stick of cigarette.

Why does coffee taste so good? I'm too tired to look for Google answers, so you have to do it yourself this time. I use the first result as reference, anyways. It won't be too much work. Haha.

A while ago, I received a text message from a friend, unknown that is (having my cellphone replaced a few weeks ago), saying that our hearts die a bit if we are forced to do something we don't like. Every afternoon, I have gotten used to the regular discussions my parents and I have about the career I want to take. Honestly, I don't see myself working in an office eight hours a day. I'm just not that type. But they kept on doing the guilt trip on me if I just wanted my life to be this way. They would go, "Maybe that's what you really wanted, waking up at noon, going to work half day. Is that what you wanted?"

I used the "I don't want a boss" reasoning, since my Mom used it when I asked her why she never tried looking for a job years ago. Well, truth be told, I'm fine with bosses. I just wanted to try that on her if it would work. But it didn't. I felt like I've hurt my Mom when I told her that. I said some really stupid things about her not trying and about her life being different if she tried.

I feel really terrible.

I know she just wanted the best for me. But you know sometimes, I just like trying to get on my parents' nerves for the fun of it. Turns out it's not fun at all times.

Sorry Ma. I just don't want my heart to die. </3