Instability

I'm having a personal struggle these days. It could be that stress is crawling out of me due to the life transition that I'll be experiencing in a few days. Lately, my patience had been shorter than usual. If I were emotionally unstable before, I became all the more unstable these days.

Good thing my parents keep up with all my dramas. Today, I had an argument with my Dad. It was petty, but I cried myself to sleep just to forget it. Ugh. I feel totally uncomfortable in my own skin. Y.Y

Stawberries Forever

Today's the start of my bum days. I still have two weeks before my graduation ceremony so that means I have lots of free time to waste. Or be productive in.

Some of my friends have already gone out searching for jobs, but I don't know why but I'm still not "feeling" it. I think I still need a lot of catching up with sleep and eating that I had to stay bum for a couple of weeks more. So for my first day, I woke up at 10am, took a bath, ate lunch, got my toga for grad, went to a tiangge, and tried manicuring my nails.

Yes. I did try putting on nail polish myself.  So a week ago, I saw this featured video in Youtube on a How-to on strawberry designed nails. See, I'm the kind of girl who likes clean and simple looking nails, but I simply couldn't resist trying this design on. Being a total fan of strawberries, I immediately clicked the link and watched it. To my amazement, the tutorial looked so easy and so cute that I decided to buy myself red, green, and white nail polish.

So, I followed every step instructed in the video. I really thought I could pull off designing my nails easily since I've tried painting and drawing several times. But nails are a different issue. Mine completely looked like a mess!

Sorry for the poor quality of photo! :)

Back to where I started

I am an inconsistent writer. Many times I tried starting a blog site, only to close it down the next few minutes. But I do love writing; the problem is I gradually grown scared of it throughout college. Quite insane, huh? Me being a communication student. But I'd like to think that maybe (just maybe) it's high time I go back to what I really loved--writing.

I know many people would argue, but I feel old at twenty. Not in a negative way, though. As much as possible, I want to embrace aging with my two arms stretched. Part of the reasoning why I started blogging again is that I want to remember. I have a memory as stable as a cheesecake and when I'm 80, I want to go back to what I went through.

But I'm still twenty now and i am looking forward to writing the life that's waiting for me out there. :)

hkadiemakladhakdgajteakda,nahdiycbm,cnakdh.

Hello, multiply. It's been so long. My head is cluttered and I can't think straight. I was thinking that talking to you again might keep me sane for a while. I'm running in circles, and I think I'm gonna lose it any time soon.



I need a thesis topic. :(


I can't believe I'm thinking about giving up too early in the story. I've scanned several journal articles yet I still don't know which direction to take. Pressure is pressing down on me as time is running out. Most of my peers are out there, already gathering related literature while I'm stuck here, still thinking about what to do.


What should I do? The idea of research has always been intimidating for me. It has probably something to do with elementary and high school science research projects that I crawled my way through. I'd like to think that college would be a different story, but as I see how things are going, it's like I'm traveling the same path.


Oh no. :(


Lord, reveal majestic things. I trust You.

This is the first step.

I've never written a blog in a very long time. I don't know if I'm trying to run away from it when I actually wanted to go back to it, or if that was my way of letting go. Maybe writing isn't really for me after all.

A friend asked me why I'm not writing anything anymore, and I told her that I've grown tired of it. Maybe I felt more depressed that I could not even write what I'm actually feeling. Honestly, I've disappointed myself way too much that all I can do is throw everything away in an instant. I've even come up with an almost valid reason--I don't major in Journalism, it won't help me that much.

So many times I struggled just to fill this empty box. Just when I thought I had it again, I'd erase several paragraphs I've already written and hit the red button with an X on it.

But tonight, I decided to try to make the pieces fit again. Writing is a part of me, and even when I try to run from it over and over again, I'll still come back at any cost. Maybe my writing-phobia is over. Really, I want it to be over.

Maybe, I'm just like those accident patients that needed to be rehabilitated first before having their normal lives back. That's what I'm doing tonight--I'll go through my own rehabilitation process and take my normal life back.

And. This is the first step.



xo xai

Sembreak!

I'm doing nothing.
BUT I'VE NEVER FELT
MORE PRODUCTIVE
MY WHOLE LIFE!