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I seriously thought I was dead. There was I, placing my thumb on the biometrics machine at 7:00 PM 12 times in a row but it kept on saying "Please try again." Damn it, it felt like it was mocking me. I don't wanna try again, I want it to recognize me as a real person.

This morning, I called in sick at work faking a migraine. I wasn't actually sick. I just felt comforted being in a complete void that was sleep. Unfortunately, after texting my boss at 6:30 AM that I couldn't make it today, my eyes wouldn't close shut. Thoughts kept rushing through my head, thoughts I don't wanna think about, thoughts I'd rather forget.

So, this is what heartbreak is.

I remember one time having an idle time at Carabao Park. One of my friends sat down and asked me a question on how I deal with loneliness. This was for his radio show. I told him I do not like bothering people of my sadness, so I rather write about it than talk about it. That time, I have never really known how real pain felt like.

I went to Twitter to find humorous posts of @ShutangInaBeks. She tweets about practical tips of moving on. She makes the reality of pain funnier that usual. Unfortunately, she did not post anything as of this morning. The advice I was looking for was not there yet. So, I just gave myself my own advice. I feel bad with my problems, but definitely Janet Lim-Napoles had it worse than I do. Now, I feel better.

Although that could change. This is me, the past few days of my life: