Boom.

Para ngang kape ang buhay--mapait. Sobrang pait.

In order to be walked on, you must be lying down.

Wow, I feel depressed.

One thing weird about me, when I feel really bad about something I cry then I suddenly feel the need to puke. Today, I cried then puke. I must have felt really bad.

These are one of those days when I actually feel bad about myself. I am never the miss pretty or miss popular girl. I was never the most intelligent girl. I wasn't the life of the party. I'm just me--a typical, ordinary girl. If I were a character in a movie or a series, I'll probably be that girl in the blurry background.

So I have no expertise whatsoever, I'm not even mighty driven about something I would want in life, but I don't really need anyone shoving that in my face. I don't understand how some people can make you feel bad about yourself just so they can feel better about themselves.

I maybe am insignificant. I have low self-esteem and I don't feel special at all. But I won't let you walk on me. I won't be lying down anymore. I won't let you continue your habit of pulling me down.

I don't know what I did wrong.


I don't know what I did to deserve this.


I can't remember anything that would make you hate me like this.


Why.


Tell me why.

It takes more than that to bring me down.

Dear you,

You should know by now that it takes more than what you did to bring me down. I know I don't look like much now, or I may never reach what you are now, but I won't trade my life for yours. I won't lie to get people's trust the way you did. I was all hooker, line, and sinker with your empty promises. I should have known better, but I invested my confidence in you. I don't regret it, though. Because of that, I came out stronger.

Now you're trying to shake my faith. I do feel hurt now, but that's okay. I know myself, I know my worth and that's more than what you accounted me for. I know you told other people stuff about me which are false. I could turn the story around, but I didn't...because deep inside me, I still have this little respect for you. I wish you'll also respect me that way.

It breaks my heart that I treated you well--like a friend and a confidante--but you didn't do the same for me.

You may see me now as an ungrateful bitch. But at the end of the day, you know that I'm not. If it makes you happy, continue breaking me apart. I won't stay broken forever, that I'm very sure of.

Adios.

Have you ever been in love?
Horrible isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable.
It opens your chest and it opens up your heart
and it means that someone can get inside you
and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses,
you build up a whole suit of armor,
so that nothing can hurt you.
They didn't ask for it.
They did something dumb one day,
like kiss you or smile at you,
and then your life isn't your own anymore.
Love take hostages.
It gets inside you.
It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness,
so simple a phrase like "Maybe we should be just friends"
turn into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
It hurts. Not just in the imagination.
Not just in the mind.
It's a soul-hurt,
it's a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
I hate love.
-Neil Gaiman

I hate you, stupid.

Hire me, hire me, say that you'll hire me!

Wooot.

I sent my very first online application.

Prayyyyy for meeeeeee. <3