This is the first step.

I've never written a blog in a very long time. I don't know if I'm trying to run away from it when I actually wanted to go back to it, or if that was my way of letting go. Maybe writing isn't really for me after all.

A friend asked me why I'm not writing anything anymore, and I told her that I've grown tired of it. Maybe I felt more depressed that I could not even write what I'm actually feeling. Honestly, I've disappointed myself way too much that all I can do is throw everything away in an instant. I've even come up with an almost valid reason--I don't major in Journalism, it won't help me that much.

So many times I struggled just to fill this empty box. Just when I thought I had it again, I'd erase several paragraphs I've already written and hit the red button with an X on it.

But tonight, I decided to try to make the pieces fit again. Writing is a part of me, and even when I try to run from it over and over again, I'll still come back at any cost. Maybe my writing-phobia is over. Really, I want it to be over.

Maybe, I'm just like those accident patients that needed to be rehabilitated first before having their normal lives back. That's what I'm doing tonight--I'll go through my own rehabilitation process and take my normal life back.

And. This is the first step.



xo xai

Sembreak!

I'm doing nothing.
BUT I'VE NEVER FELT
MORE PRODUCTIVE
MY WHOLE LIFE!

Four macho men? You're nothing when compared to Him!

I have three words for ya.
GOD IS GREAT!

No, it's not just three words. He is powerful, wonderful, awesome! He's indescribable!

Grabe. I'm not deserving of this, but He protected me from total harm.

I was on my way home, riding this San Pablo jeep, when suddenly four macho men boarded the said jeepney. Honestly, I was terrified because they look like they're going to harass anyone, anytime. I hated myself for wearing shorts, and for being seated in between two of them.

I don't know what happened next, but the four macho men suddenly hopped out of the jeepney. Moments later, some of the passengers realized that some of their belongings were gone.I was like, "my vintage phone!" I checked my bag, and there it was, lying safely on my bag packet. Then I checked my things and they were all there.

AMAZING! Siguro they couldn't find anything that's of value sa akin. Nonetheless, I felt that God was there protecting me. God, you never fail to amaze me!

xo xai

Watch out for us on Thai TV!

I asked my teacher her wish for her birthday today, She bluntly said, "I just want this semester to end." My birthday's in a month, but I'm also wishing the same thing. Ugh. Three more weeks. Three more weeks of torture.

I know I've been talking about school non-stop. I can't help it! It's what I do 24/7. It's just weird that even though I think I'm doing the best I can, it's still not good enough. I don't know what's happening, but my luck seems to be running out. I'm failing most of my exams, I'm handing in requirements just for the sake of it, and I need a moral recovery program to wake me up on most of my classes. This semester is really very terrible for me. As if that's not yet enough, I'm also turning out to be a terrible human being.

Okay. I've pulled myself down way too much there.

Anyway, today at my DEVC 80 class, the Thai TV went and covered a part of our class. It's really funny because we have to "act naturally." I really doubt what that means, because all of us were acting too bibo, too pa-cute and too conscious. I wonder how funny we looked there.

My gosh, odd things really happen in DEVC 80. Ha ha.



xo xai

Did you see me on TV?

We had a studio tour in GMA-7 last Thursday. :)
Can't believe I'll say this, but I enjoyed it! Haha.


We saw Mike Enriquez and he's much taller than I thought he was.
He's also very funny.
BUT I was a bit more starstruck with Mr. Joel Reyes Zobel.
Haha. I think he's hot.

He looked like he was fresh from his morning jog.
And he has earrings! Haha.
Plus he looks Korean.

I was the first to enter the studio and I was like,
"Why is there a Korean here?"
Pinoy pala.

AT partner ni Mike.

I really have little knowledge in the industry.

I'm probably more suited to be a die-hard fan. Haha.

My classmate in Hum 2 asked me if I was on Sis the next day after the trip.
Can you imagine how embarrassed I was?
LOL.

It's funny that people saw me, but it's also a bit embarrassing.
Haha. They saw me clapping enthusiastically to Yaya and Angelina.
They're funny pala when you see them live.

I know, I know.
I'm not the best photographer around, so..
Apologies to the Kapuso artists.

Haha, Tingnan niyo naman ang kuha ni Faye:

She really can be Jenica's official photographer. Haha





xxoo xai

If lying is a crime, then I'm guilty.

I hate people who constantly lie just to get their way.
I hate people who make stories up just to save themselves from pit holes of shame.
I hate people who tell lies just to cover up their mistakes.

I hate people who lie.


That's why I'm so sick of myself now.






Mama and Papa, I'm sorry I lied.

Miki, I'm sorry I made you wait for me.

DEVC 70 groupmates, I'm sorry I used you as an alibi.




I won't lie again.
My guilt is killing me.