As much as I wanted to be happy because it’s Friday, I could
not bring myself to. I feel so freaking sad, everything around me makes me
angry. I’d probably just spend my whole weekend crying on my favorite side of
the bed while my mind spins thousands and thousands of thoughts I’d rather not
think about.
You know what scares me? All these fucking bullshit makes me
think it’s easier to die. But I can’t do that, because I can’t be too selfish to
leave my fragile mother in too much heartbreak. I could runaway with a guy and
move to another place and for sure it would also break my mom’s heart, but
eventually she will forgive me. But if I die, if I took my own life, she will
not forgive herself.
Let me also note, that fuck all traditions and societal
norms. Fuck all your previous beliefs about how we should blend in the crowd.
Because fuck, fuck, fuck it. Fuck the whole universe, actually.
Fuck all you people who likes meddling into other people’s
businesses without considering their feelings. Fuck all you bitches who thinks it’s
alright to step into other peoples relationships. Fuck all of you people who
already are in a relationships but still flirts with other people just because
you can. Fuck all of you people who pretends to be nice when you really have
some agenda hidden in your fucking dirty minds. Fuck all of you homophobics who
think gays are not as human as you and I. Fuck all of you who fucking just
annoy the hell out of me.
You know what? Fuck me, too. I was raised to show a straight
face, an ideal decent daughter, always fucking thinking about what other people
say. But fuck that! Fuck that. Why can’t I cry whenever I want to? Why can’t I
moan in anguish when I am so freaking sad? Because no, I am raised in a perfect
life. Nothing could ever make me sad.
Jesus Christ. I am so fucking angry at you right now, too. I
have been waiting for you ever since the story teller in bible school told us
you’re coming. I’m so freaking tired of being a good person just to see your
heaven. Why can’t you bring us to heaven right now? Why can’t you come now and
freaking save us all from all these suffering and pain? Are you even coming? Or
that’s also one of your fucking stupid promises you can not keep. And then you
fucking expect your so-called children to keep their promises, too? Well, fuck
that. Fuck that.
I hate the whole universe. I hate the whole fucking
universe.
