Thursday, September 29, 2011


I live in a place where it's 
not allowed to cry.

Sometimes, I am wondering if I can call this place home or if I can call the people living in this place my family. When I feel broken and I cry, it's unacceptable. People will hear; they'll think we're doing something bad to you. It's not that big of a deal, you shouldn't cry. Don't make a drama out of it.

I don't understand why I shouldn't cry when I feel like it. I don't understand why I'm always wrong. I don't understand why I should take the blame at all times. I don't understand why the words in my mouth come out differently from how I intend it to be. I don't understand why most of the times, I am the hated child.

I feel like my chest would explode any moment now. I am pained and no one's here to listen to my silent cries.  I just want to cry my heart out; but I can't...because I live under a roof where people cares more of what others would think than what their child feels.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I can't make you love me if you don't.
You can't make your heart feel something it won't.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

For the sake of writing!

I haven't written anything in the longest time. Wow, I'm not a good blogger. You may find it weird but when things are easy and happy, I don't know how to write it. I don't know, I feel like I won't do much justice to my happiness when I write it.

Well, anyways, tomorrow I'll start my working...again. I feel a mixture of excitement and nervousness. :)

That's it. Lol. I don't have much to write, really.

Friday, September 23, 2011


I'm so happppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
I could die tomorrow
:))))))))))))))))))))))))

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

We the best. Nuff said.








And it's all because of this:



Makes me proud I am a UP Maroon! :)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I'm gonna find another you.

I made the wrong choice.
And no sad love song can make me feel better.

Monday, September 19, 2011


If you love someone tell them, because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

I find it hard to admit I am wrong.
But now I know that I am.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Some people just won't take no for an answer.

Two weeks ago, while I was contemplating hard on pursuing the permanent position in this certain company, I felt like a got an answer from heavens when a friend texted me that she recommended me to a company in Alabang. Originally, the company was interested in her, but she already have a job. I was thrilled as they are looking for people who want to work in the fields of communication, events organizing, and training.

The very same day, a guy called me and asked if I were available for a meet-up. Unfortunately, I was still busy transcribing some interviews that I said it was a bad time to call. The guy called me again the next day. This guy talked fast that I couldn't really understand his name. I inquired about the job post, but he said that it's better if we could just meet in their office so we can fully discuss the positions available. I agreed. We set an appointment the next week.

I arrived in their office only to be surprised that there were already ten people inside, each having a conversation with one office staff. I remember the guy telling me "There is low competition, so you don't worry about that." Or something like that. This didn't look anything like low competition. A woman asked me who my contact was, and I said, sorry I can't really remember his name. She gave some names, and I shook my head because I really can't remember.

I was asked to sit in one chair until someone approached me, who was apparently the guy who called me for the meet-up. This comment is unnecessary, but he looks cute. I feel like I had to say that because that's probably the only nice thing I'll say about him in this whole entry. Probably.

So we chitchatted a bit, together with another lady who is also looking for another job opportunity. We were looking for the same thing. But I guess the present given to us was wrapped in our expectations only to see a completely unexpected content.

We were led to a showroom while videos are being presented. They were impressive, I must say. A woman then entered, who was presumably the host of the afternoon's presentation. She's nervous and unsure of what she's talking about. She apologized a lot for stuttering in English and for videos that weren't playing. I don't know if it's her first time, but I guess she could've done better. Well, anyways, the presentation showed some interesting facts. According to them, the baby boomers in US dictate the economy. They have a 50% share on cash spendings so most companies devote the focus of products and services to their preference. If baby boomers don't ring a bell, they are the babies responsible for population growth after the World War II. I didn't know that, too. Ha ha. So now that these baby boomers are middle-aged, companies should ride the trend of what these group of people want. And do you know what that is? Anti-aging products. Yes, these babies want to stay young forever.

In the back of my head, I was thinking that this is too superficial. Of course, we all want to stay young forever. But I can't see how we could be millionnaires just by selling creams, body washes, pills, etc. Well, unless, they are overpriced. Oh wait, they are.

To make the story short, the job offered to me was to sell products while recruiting people to join the business. It's like a pyramid scheme where people are asked to recruit and recruit people until the person on tops gets rich. It fascinates me how some people still fall prey to this kind of business. May it be legal or not, I think it's a shame they would lure people like me who are desperate in finding jobs.

This is just my point of view, but sales isn't for me. I wouldn't want to be part of a team who boasts of "not needing skills and intellect to make money." If they would think of it, yes, they make huge amounts of money just by recruiting people and selling stuff, but don't they think their skills and potential would go to the trash bin just because they'd choose this path?

The beginning of this story, I was asked by that guy the reason why I made time to go to their office. Was it for experience or for the money? He was surprised I said it's for the experience. He asked me if I don't need money anymore. I said, yes, I need money but my goal now is to have an experience rather than make huge amounts of money. I'm not rich, I'm actually broke, but I won't trade money for the opportunity of using my skills and knowledge in contributing to the society's work force. Sure, working in the office is tiring and draining. Sure, I won't have all the luxurious things they already have with the basic salary I'll get. But one thing is for sure, the things I worked hard for while I was studying didn't go down the drainage.

Here are my tips if you encounter people like this. Be wary if:

1. They don't want to explain the nature of work right away.
2. They just go by some initials as the name of the company.
3. They would boast of being American-based.
4. They would ask you to go in a sports smart casual attire. (Lol, I didn't.)
5. They would ask you to name the person who recruited you.
6. They would say you need to invest a small amount of money, which is not really that small.
7. They wouldn't even look at your resume! (That's the scariest!)
8. They would bug you to have a follow-up meeting.
9. They would lend you a booklet (which is cheaply produced and termed as a document) that you need to return if you refused the follow-up meeting.

There! This is just my side of the story. So if anyone from that company reads this, I just saw this from my lenses. It might not be entirely correct in your view, but this is how I see it. Thank you.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

How can you say no to flattery?

I am in love with words. When I listen to music on youtube, I'd prefer a lyrics video than the real video. When I watch a movie, I obsessively listen closely to the words the characters utter. I feel happy when people say nice things to me.

So, I really can't say no to flattery. I am sanguine, yes!

Today, I had a meeting with my very first client as a freelance writer slash lay out artist. Hoho. I'm just making it sound pretty, I'm actually not doing freelance. I was asked by my former boss if I were interested in a project that she had to make for the anniversary of their company. Since I turned down the opportunity for a permanent appointment, she asked if I were interested in doing some contractual work for them. She said she really liked my interview outputs and that I was good. But that's not what I'm really happy about. She told me I have the rare skill of making people instantly feel at ease when I talk with them.

That's such a good thingggg I'm convinced to work with them againnnn! Hahahaha. But honestly, I feel really happy that she said that. I mean, there can be thousands of people who are good writers, but not everyone can make you feel comfortable in conversations. I've met and talked to people who were scary, intimidating, and awkward to talk with. Good thing I'm not part of that group! :)

Anyhow, the only sad thing about accepting this job is that I might not be home on my birthday. Sad. This is the first time I'll be away from home IF EVER I accept this job offer. But based on my flattered emotions, there's a high possibility that I might accept it. 

Thank you for your nice words, Ma'am! :))






PS. My mom is the best. She's very happy when I told her this. Love you Ma! And sorry about the last blog post I made. :(

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Mothers are special.

I remember having a conversation with a friend about how her parents suck up to her siblings who already work.  I couldn't believe it at first, but then I saw it with my own very eyes. Parents turn into something else when their children became a member of the work force.

Well, I guess except for my Dad. He is very kind, supportive, and understanding. My mom, though, is a different scenario. Not more than a week ago, they thought that I would finally have a full time job. But then, I evaluated that this job wasn't suitable for me. So I declined further training and future employment in this particular company. Back in those days when I had to wake up early for that job, my mom was very enthusiastic about household chores and she would often be concerned of what I eat or wear before going to work. When I got home from work, she would treat me as if I'm the best daughter in the whole world.

Then after I lost that job opportunity, she seemed a bit...I don't know, distant. She's angry at the littlest mistakes I do. When I try to tell her that she's acting that way towards me, she would counterfeit and turn to my dad who would always take her side. My dad would calmly talk to me that I shouldn't treat Mama that way. Thus, I'm always the bad guy in this everyday drama.

Don't take me wrong, I love my mom so much. Much more than I'll ever loved anyone. But I just wish that she could understand me more and accept my decisions wholeheartedly. I mean, I'm a grown up now, and she should just let me decide on what I want to do with my life.

Someday, when I become a mother to my own kids, I won't force them into doing what they don't want to do. I would let them choose the path they want to take. But I won't completely leave them; I would just guide and assist them along the way. I won't do things to unconsciously pressure them. I would look deep into their thoughts and feelings instead of thinking of how they would look like to others. I would love and accept them no matter what.

Someday, I don't want my kids to be like me.

Forever a small town girl

There is money sitting on my bank account for five days. I know it's not mine but the owner won't get it even if I told him! What to do? Omo, I wanna go shopping. LOL. Temptation is hard to resist. Really hard.

Ha ha. I need to get things done but I'm still thinking right now if I want to go out of my house. Yesterday, I realized that I need to go out more often and make myself lesser of a homebody. I suck in directions and I'm scared of public transportation and I talk to myself in public! I am crazy! AND forever a small town girl.

I need to be street smart. I'm not sure how to do that, though. But I will! I wish I was born a Dora. Ha ha.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

What is success?

I'd like to think that everyone of us has his own concept of what success is. Some may think that it's money, or career growth, or peace of mind.

Today, I met a guy who has a different concept of what success is. He answered the latter. He said that when he and his friends get together, they would tell him how much money they make or how many places they have visited. But in his case, he tells them his future is secured and safe. He also said that he aspires to retire by the age of 30--and he's on the right track.

He also shared a story of an eagle who was raised with chickens. Though the eagle could fly fast and soar high, he wasn't able to do so because he thought he was a chicken. He said he believe in the endless potential that everyone has.

I am inspired.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Mr. Simple


I like simple guys.
And by simple,
I mean Korean guys with blonde hair.
Haha. <3

Sunday, September 11, 2011

The longest three seconds of my life

Yesterday, I went to an amusement park with my former boss' team. I was informed by his staff that they needed an extra hand for an exhibit they had to put up. Since it's free and it's a job for a day, I decided to go with them.

I am not a huge fan of amusement parks, especially that I am a coward. My heart would explode if I ride rides. But I did ride with the team because they wouldn't if I didn't. So, my heart exploded...

But I survived!

I wish I had photos to show you how my face looked like everytime the log would crash into the waters in the Jungle Log Jam. I felt like it's the longest three seconds of my life. I swear I wanted to jump off of the log when there was a chance. Hahaha. It's the scariest ride I rode that time. Yes, I know. As I said, I am a coward.

However, there's a lesson I learned from this. In life, we have things we're scared of. But once we're already  in that situation, we can't help but...to just be there. Once we get through it, the less scarier things appear less and less scarier.

Lol. Wow, I'm losing my words. Hahahaha.

Fear

It's weird that I feel like I'm starting from Step 1 all over again.

Now, I'm pretty much jobless again. It's not like I resigned because basically I just decided not to go on with my application with the previous company I had training with.

I am starting to think that I have a problem with commitment. I don't like the feeling of responsibility being stocked on my shoulders knowing that somehow, all my works would affect the whole company. It scares me that my output may not be good enough.

I'm scared that I might not ever find a job that's most suitable for me. But I'm also afraid that I when I do find that job, I might run away again because of the lack of confidence I had in me.

I know what my Step 1 is. I should get rid of this fear.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Even if you want me,
I won't stay.
It will be harder for both of us,
Because I don't love you.
And I won't love you.
And I don't change my mind.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Half-hearted

For the last three weeks, I've been attending a job training in a company that has a deep passion for social work. Their mission and vision are so much related to my university major, it's like a dream. Everyone in this company has a heart for what they do.

And that's what I didn't have.

Tomorrow I would tell them that somebody else deserves the spot they would give me. They shouldn't hire someone half-hearted in what they do.

I learned so much form them, though. Most of the people I interviewed for the last three days were really bursting with so much fire and happiness in what they do. I want to find a job that would make me feel that way everyday. Something I won't get tired of doing.

Though my mom might be thinking that I wasted my time and money on attending this training, I believe otherwise. No such thing as wasted time. I believe this happened for me to do what I really want and not settle on what's in front of me.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Iskolar-ship

Today at church, someone was asked to give a testimony regarding getting a full scholarship in the university. This person is studying at the same university I graduated in.

I remember attending a rally during my first year in college because of the raise in tuition fee in my uni. Our tuition fee rose to more than a hundred percent. If 'm not mistaken, the tuition fee tripled when I got in.

However, students can avail of scholarships that could grant them a percentage of the total TF or for some, they can study on a full scholarship plus stipend. However, the basis of this scholarship is on how much money your parents make.

I'm not saying that this system is not good. I am just thinking that it's not the most perfect scheme to use. Having this scholarship is like having the caste system in the 21st century. You pay more because your parents make more money.

I am not generalizing here, but I know some students who intentionally fail a class because their tuition fee is not as much as those in the Bracket A. Well, I also know students who still intentionally fail classes because they're rich. What I'm pointing at here is that money shouldn't be the primary reason for students to get full scholarships. I know students who are from the middle-class who are more deserving to get a full scholarships than, maybe, a number of financially challenged students.

If I could suggest a new scholarship scheme, I'd say let's give the scholarships to those who get the best grades. So yeah, grades aren't the best measurement to know someone's intelligence but I see students who are working hard to get good grades also deserving of getting scholarships as well. I also think that this will reinforce students to do what they are supposed to do--to study hard.

Better yet, they could just return the price of quality education so that everyone could enjoy the true privileges of being "Iskolar ng Bayan".

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Love in disguise


This movie is too cute to miss! :)

Though it's about a music star who disguised himself as a guy from a remote village to find his soulmate, this movie is actually very relate-able. I don't want to spoil it for you so I won't give a summary. Ha ha. You know I'm just too lazy to do that.

Some reviews said that this movie is already cliche and quite predictable. It was nonetheless worth your 60 minutes. It's very easy to watch, though I won't say that Chinese humor would make you laugh hard. But it's cool! And very cute!

So if you have nothing to do this weekend, watch this! <3


PRETTY GIRLS 
CAN GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING


Pffft.

Stalkurrr mucho.

I've been fostering a crush on someone since two or three years ago. Ha ha. It's really funny because I'm forcing myself not to reply on his facebook status. I've gone stalkerish scary on him--since we don't really know each other personally and we're friends on two social networking sites already. How stalkerish scary is that!

Sometimes, I also ask questions anonymously on his formspring. OH MY GOD. I should shut up. I am really becoming stalkerish scary.

I know you get that feeling, too (or maybe it's just me). When you see that person you like online, then you want to say hi, but then you haven't gathered enough confidence yet. And just about you reached that point when you already want to say hi, he would suddenly go offline. Dang. Good thing facebook lets you send messages even when friends are offline now. But I still haven't tried yet.

Anyways, he's still my crush. And sometimes, looking from afar is better than looking up-close. That doesn't make sense, I know. But you know what, you don't deserve love when you're not ready to sound stupid! I'm lucky I'm not that smart. Thank heavens. :)

But regarding what I said up there, I take it back. Do you know that JC Penney received lots of complaints from mothers regarding their new shirt design saying "I'm too pretty to do my homework..." It's not necessary for women to act dumb just so guys could feel powerful over them and eventually like them. Women should be smart and beautiful. So thank heavens, I'm created with a useful brain. Ha ha.

I used to believe in fairy tales
Until I met you

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Fickle-minded

Sometimes, I can't understand my own self.

I've being going to and fro with the decision regarding my current job. I'm at the state now when I had to decide whether to pursue this career or not. In just a few days, I had to sign a contract that will mark the next six months of my life.

To tell the truth, I've been living in regret everyday of my life. I regret that I didn't pursue a course that I like. I regret that I hid my true self to most of my friends. And more. My dad said that I should just try it for 6 months, then I decide. But that's my whole point. I don't want to waste yet another six months in my life.

Today, I just spent my day waiting for the supervisor for my training. I was actually quite nervous because I have no correct experience with bosses. Most of my bosses were kind of related to me or not physically present or have this sick thing for informalities. So regarding formal bosses, I'm not very used to having that. But my boss today, she's uhm, okay. Although, she's the kind of woman with such powerful aura. The kind I fear most. I don't know, I just feel really intimidated when I see women like that. But she's okay.

The task that I had for today was just to write interview questions for staff with inspiring stories. I remember my student days! But this was different, though. I was expecting that my questions would get rejected or revised, but then, everything got accepted. When I was writing for my Journ classes before, most of my questions needed to be corrected by my instructor. It could be that my writing has gotten better, or I was just plain lucky.

Tomorrow, I had to interview some staff. Normally, I would feel nervous about interviews. But now, I don't feel anything. Maybe because all my questions were approved. Unlike before. Man, when I wrote my survey instrument, I had to revise it 100 times! So this is truly a miracle!

I have a plan. Today, I decided to follow my dreams. Yes, I really would. I would enroll in a short course on graphic design or photography every weekend until my skills become better. Then, I would send an application to an advertising company. Because this is what I really want to do! And I would do it!

No one can hold me back. Not this old town. Or my parents. Not even my own anxious self.

But for now, I have to finish this job training and I'll see what goes from there.

If you have some wise advice, please write them down. :)